Backwards With Time
by bambi-doe
Summary: As Alice is still struggling to tame her bloodlust, she begins to see visions of Jasper for the first time. Resolved, she decides to search for him in hopes that he will agree to accompany her to the Cullen clan in Forks, WA. About 50 yrs pre-Twilight; the meeting of Alice and Jasper as they journey to the Cullens, and their consequent love story that unfolds. POV-Alice.
1. Chapter One

I kept my head ducked low as I traced lines over the marble bar top with one hand, the other anxiously tapping away.

The diner was littered with its regular lunch crowd, every other table or so occupied by lonesome humans; in these parts of town, everyone seemed to stick to themselves.

"Ma'am?" a gruff voice asked.

I did not look up at the waiter as he stood on the other side of the counter, cleaning out a glass with his rag.

"Yes?" I answered, working a low hum into my voice to disguise my soprano bells.

"Can I get you something?" He seemed genuinely concerned for me, yet equally cautious of how antsy I was.

"Water would be fine," I said softly.

It was only water, not much of a pain to wretched back up. And I knew it would placate the man for at least a while longer.

He simply nodded, took the glass he had been drying, trudged over to the tap, and returned with a tall glass of cool water.

I picked it up daintily, working to hide my eyes from the man whom now appraised me. The water—as anything other than blood did—tasted like a bland river of lukewarm bitterness surging down my throat.

However, I hid my disgust well, thanking the husky waiter after a short sip. Satisfied, he went to take down an order for a pair of women who had just walked in, both settling themselves a few stools from me.

Too close for comfort, my jaw clenched tightly as their scent burst into my lungs, clouding my head.

But no matter how badly my throat burned and yearned for sweet, scarlet relief, I forced myself to think of other things. Jasper was close, or I was at least hoping so. I could tell it wouldn't be long now as I searched into the future and felt his presence near.

While I waited, I tried to keep from being too anxious. I didn't want the concerned waiter to suspect me any further, and it really was only right that I calm myself down; being jittery never solved anything, even if it was a state I often fell into.

Desperate for distractions, while still trying to avoid my burning throat, I played with the future.

I began with the two women down at the end of the bar, successfully ignoring their pulses and focusing on their chosen paths.

_It was sometime later that evening, or rather, the next morning—3 am. Just leaving a grungy night club, extremely intoxicated, each with a gentleman on their arm. A taxi ride to the high end of town. They all enter the loft, fumbling in their stupors. Then, only lust. Gasoline kisses for everyone. _

I stopped there. It wasn't fair of me to invade their privacy, no matter how much they truly didn't deserve my honor.

Looking around for my next distraction, I idly sipped my water to keep the waiter at bay, swiveling on my stool so that my back was facing him.

Next, I saw a man, forty-five, a baseball cap pulled over his forehead securely, and pain on his face as he sipped a steaming cup of coffee.

_11 pm, later that same day. A parking lot full to the brim, every spot taken. Flashing neon lights boast: "SHOW GIRLS". _

Again, I stopped before this one had finished, my eyes falling on the heavy, golden band around his left third finger. I turned away from him, sighing, wondering how little capacity for common sense this man must've had. _Despicable._

_Humans. _I had no recollection of ever being one, therefore, we were set apart; I had no understanding of them, and they no knowledge of me.

Of course, it was odd knowing that—knowing that, to the world, I was simply a fairy tale. I was a figment of some twisted man's mind, or the nightmare of an overly imaginative child; I wasn't real to these people around me. To each human being in my vicinity, I was just another lonely young woman, grabbing some lunch on my break or deciding when it would be best to write my psychology paper or working to sort out a spat I'd gotten in with my boyfriend. They had not one clue of the danger that sat yards from them.

Thus, knowing that I did not exist, and in turn was not feared, I could kill and kill and kill and never be caught—an appealing yet sickening idea.

Just then, my body shuttered. I could feel him, feel Jasper so close. My anxiety returned as my eyes shot to the door and remained fixed there, hungry for the face I had only see in my visions.

_Forty-three seconds…_

C'mon, c'mon…

_Twenty-two seconds…_

Hurry _up!_

_Five, four, three…_

And there he stood—more real than he had ever been before. I had seen him, anticipated him, expected him. But the feeling that he stood before me now was so surreal. I felt as though I knew him so completely, though I did not.

He walked in, head hung low as mine had been, his hands in his pockets. His golden wavy locks were brought back behind his ears in a fairly groomed matter, revealing a handsomely composed yet painfully scarred face. His eyes were dark with a hint of scarlet, and the way in which his jaw was clenched tightly spoke clearly of how thirsty he must've been—he needed a good, long drink.

"Jasper," I exclaimed, overcome with excitement.

His face changed when he had heard his name, almost as if he had forgotten about the fire in his throat all together. He looked around, confusion and fear in his eyes, unable to find who had called him.

I ran to him then, my elation at its peak, planting myself right before him and meeting his eyes.

He looked at me in such a curious way, then, as if I were a godsend to him; all that fear and confusion vanished, melting into what seemed like pure admiration.

But my mind, racing as it always did, was not one for taking serious note of his change in expression, instead rushing into pleasantries, not bothering to mask the bells in my voice.

"You kept me waiting a long time," I crooned, smiling wide.

He ducked his head politely, seeming ashamed of the wait I'd endured, as if he would have known any better. "I'm sorry, ma'am."

I felt my smile spread once more, and then held my hand out for him. Without missing a beat, and much to my surprise, he took it instantly, his eyes still full of wonderment.

"Now," I said excitedly, "let's get out of here; I know a place."

Our hands not leaving one another's, we made an exit as fast as was possible without notice, out into the clouded, dark and rainy day.

I clasped his hand tightly in mine as we trudged through back alleys under the cover of tall brick walls. I could see that it would remain overcast until dark, but I thought it best we avoid what humans we could.

"Where are we going?" he asked, a certain measure of anxiety in his tone.

"Out of town, I think. The weather will have improved by tomorrow morning, and we ought not to be around when it comes. Do you mind that?" I asked, ready to rearrange my plans if he objected.

"No, that sounds just fine to me. I was planning on doing so regardless; now I'll simply have company."

"You don't mind that so much, do you?" I asked, anxious and unsure.

He laughed then, surprising me. "You've no clue how very much I _don't _mind it."

I hid my smile from him.

"I'm Alice, by the way." I turned round to look at him now.

Still, he held that same expression, as if he were baffled by me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," he finally managed; his eyes lit with a spark as he spoke the words.

I giggled embarrassingly, and then turned back to look at where we were headed.

From then on we kept silent as we walked. Only the sound of our light footsteps on the pavement echoed up the walls around us as we fled the city of out sin in an attempt to find salvation.


	2. Chapter Two

The flames danced and licked up into the night air like snakes coiling and then striking, each whip of fire taking up more and more ash into the soft evening breeze. We sat across from each other, the smolder of human remains slowly dwindling between us.

He sat with his back against the thick trunk of a pine, his eyes fixed on the dancing blaze, never once moving them away. I knew that he was deep in thought; the hard manner in which his face was set and the way his brows came together made it nearly impossible to think otherwise. Therefore, I didn't want to derail any train of thought he might have started on. We seemed to be at an impasse, and any idea was a welcome idea at this point.

Of course, maybe his thoughts weren't contemplating my offer at all. Maybe he was thinking of past events, past happenings, still trying to place the pegs into their appropriate slots—still trying to make senseless things make sense.

"Jasper," I called softly.

Strangely startled, he jerked out of what thoughts he'd been having, resembling the behavior of a frightened cat.

Instinctually, I apologized for disturbing him and for giving him such a fright, to which he simply smiled, seemingly embarrassed by his fear. He took a matter of seconds to gather himself before looking me dead in the eyes

"Yes, Alice?"

I hesitated for a moment, taken off guard by his grave stare. It was not as though the previous look of wonderment had left him, but now it was heavily masked with a somber, intense and brooding gaze. Now, each time he'd met my eyes, I could somehow feel and see the pain that he had felt, the pain that he still felt.

"I just wondered if you were alright." My voice, having its usual soprano ring, was just as quiet as his had been—a mere whisper in the night.

He sort of smiled again but remained still as a Grecian statue.

"Yes," he breathed, "I'm alright. Just thinking is all."

He rose and put his hands in his pockets; he almost looked human for a moment. Tilting his head back he stared up into the night and sighed.

I felt another pang of curiosity as I watched him pace, longing to sympathize with what seemed to be such a tortured creature. I felt my mouth open to ask his thoughts but I found my place and restrained.

There wasn't a need to press him though. For once he willingly blossomed open and revealed what he had been mulling over.

"I don't like this—this monster that I am." He gestured towards the flames between us, shaking his head and looking away. "I don't even know who she was; I don't know who any of them were, all those people—innocent people." He ran his fingers through his golden locks and sighed heavily once more.

"I'm sorry," he said then. "I don't mean to bombard you with my musings. I'm just thinking out loud."

I smiled at him as a sign of my understanding, gesturing for him to proceed.

He smiled back at me slightly, and then went back to pacing.

"I hate what I am, Alice; I hate what we've been made into. But I don't know how to live any other way. And I'm not so sure I'm ready to look for a different way, either. I just…" He trailed off, resetting his eyes on the pile of remains.

"What you're saying makes sense," he continued. "I'm just scared. I'm scared to begin a different life within the one I've already begun."

But he didn't sound scared, I thought.

Nonetheless, I was touched by his vulnerability. He didn't seem like the type of fellow who would easily speak up about his internal battles, much less about the fear he'd been harboring. He was an old one—certainly not someone to be trifled with. He'd obviously seen his battles, scars of innumerable amounts carved left and right on his face and arms. He was strong and composed, mature and centered. He knew the right things to say and had clearly found an appropriate and effective way to survive up to this point.

So I valued what he had confessed, as simple as it may have been, because I didn't think it was something I'd come by on any other given day.

"I'm scared, too," I admitted, shifting my weight slightly. "But I think this might be our answer." I bit my lip. "_The _answer," I quickly corrected.

There was that smile again—a crooked, dashing grin, and I knew he'd caught me.

"I suppose, young Alice, that that's true. This just might be _our _answer." He looked me in the eyes again, the red seeming to smolder playfully within his.

I grinned shyly, looking down into my lap.

"So, does this mean we'll head for the clan?" I asked.

He nodded, sinking back into a more business like, serious manner, his arms crossing over his chest. "Yes. I think I'd like to meet them, at least."

I nodded too. "That's a good way to go about it. Let's just meet them and see where things go."

After an entire night of deliberation, we were decided. Once daylight had come and gone, night falling once more, we'd move cautiously in the direction that my visions had beckoned me, searching for answers as we went.

Now that we'd come up with what we were going to do, it was just about passing the time. Sleep wasn't an option, however appealing it may have been, so I wondered if more conversation was on the agenda or if my new friend would rather be left alone.

"Tell me," he said now, "where are you from?"

The question had taken me off guard, emotion already brewing in the back of my throat, producing no tears, only venom.

Of course I shrugged, struggling to seem indifferent to the question.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, seeing through my false indifference and measuring my reluctance. "I shouldn't have asked so casually." It was him that now looked down into his lap, sheepish. Sheepish didn't looked right on him, not one bit.

I laughed slightly, folding my hands together to keep from fiddling anxiously.

"No, it's alright. You see…" I began hesitantly. "I'm not sure, actually. It's difficult to remember. My past life doesn't seem to come as easily to me as it does to others. I've talked to others, all who seem to know so much about their human lives. But, when I try to fight the blackness..." I stopped, trying to swallow back more emotion. "Well," I concluded, "it's just dark; there's nothing, and I haven't a clue why." I shrugged, looking back up at him.

He nodded thoughtfully with his chin in his hand, embodying Rodin's_ Thinker, _as if he was trying to piece together the puzzle I'd been working at for countless years.

"That's curious," he said, whispering again. "How frustrating that must be for you, poor Alice. Where could you ever find the patience?"

Half smiling, my eyes rested on the flames as his had before.

"'_Sweet are the uses of adversity" _I recited_, "which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head.'"_

I looked back into his eyes then, deeply and sincerely.

His lips turned up automatically, clearly catching my reference and appreciating its origins.

"_As You Like It_," he breathed with a wink.


	3. Chapter Three

"I wonder about some things some times."

We'd been on the move for two or three hours now, heading west. I hadn't quite been able to determine a specific location yet, so we both seemed to be comfortable with moving slowly—at human paces sometimes even.

"What sort of things?" I asked, intrigued.

He put his hands in his pockets—something I'd begun to realize he did often when he hadn't anything else to do with them—and smiled playfully.

"Have you ever tasted an animal before?"

I was surprised yet pleased by his question, and I stopped dead in my step. When he'd turned back around to face me, I widened my eyes, pointing with my index finger.

"See here?" I asked with a smile.

He came a few paced closer until I could feel his breath.

"Hmm," he said quietly, his brow furrowing as he scrutinized the strange color of my irises.

"I'd never noticed it before, dear Alice. I thought at first glace they were scarlet, but they've sort of bronzed, haven't they?" He pulled back then in thought. "And this is from animal blood?"

I nodded. "Queer, isn't it? I can't explain it, but they get lighter with each drink, just as long as I abstain from human blood. Which I've been successful at for, I'm proud to say, three months."

He got quiet then as he continued to examine my eyes, hiding some foreign emotion that had just emerged within him.

"You know," I said, breaking the silence that had fallen over us. "I could show you how it's done. There's really nothing to it."

His smile returned then, though his eyes were still sad.

"I don't know," he shrugged, skeptical.

"C'mon, Jazz," I smiled pleadingly, holding my hand out for him. "It'll be fun."

At the sound of his new nick name, the last of his sadness fell away.

"I rather like that name." He chuckled then, taking my hand and sighing heavily.

"Please," I whispered, playfully batting my lashes for affect.

It took him a moment to make up his mind, but finally he caved.

"Let's give it a go. After all, I ought to be in the swing of things when we reach these mysterious folks you keep seeing." He chuckled his deep, southern, smoky laugh—the one I'd already grown to love—and seemed to surrender to my offer completely.

I nodded with a smile. "Okay, let's go."

He followed maybe two yards behind me as I began walking, silence falling over the both of us as I searched for any sort of scent in the air I could. Starting him off with something carnivorous was most likely best, but I'd have to take whatever I could get.

"Now," I began, "there's something you've always got to remember: When hunting humans…well, it's not much of a hunt," I laughed. "Our looks, our scent—they do the work for us. All we need to do is coax them into someplace dark and empty, and that's that.

"But with animals," I continued, "coaxing won't get the job done. They sense we're a natural enemy and they can taste our aggression. They'll know our intentions if they see us coming. So, since persuasion is out of the picture, all we can rely on is our stealth and speed—those two things will be essential to our success."

As I turned round to look at him, he nodded and motioned for me to continue.

I smiled. "Next thing to remember is that you must always be prepared for a fight or chase of some kind—they'll never, and I mean _never,_ go down as easily as a human being might. Not to say it won't be simple," I laughed again. "But I'm simply warning you."

"And what kind of animal are we hunting today?" he asked, seemingly eager.

Quickly, I searched into the future, closing my eyes and coming to a stop.

"Alice?"

I put my index finger to my lips. "Shh…"

_We were moving—fast. Jasper flanked my left hand side, only ten yards behind me perhaps. The smell in the air was a familiar one, but I couldn't place my finger on it in the hype of our chase. Just then, our prey came into view from between the brush ahead of us. _

"A grizzly," I smiled.

"Oh?" He seemed surprised.

"Yes," I nodded, my smile still there, giving away my pleasure. "You'll like it. Carnivores taste the most like humans."

"Why's that?" he asked.

I laughed. "I actually don't know; just an observation I've made, I guess."

I turned around to face him. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," he smiled.

"Alright, just follow my lead." I started in the direction I'd seen the grizzly, also searching for the smell as I went. "And do try and keep up," I laughed, turning round once more to wink at him.

"That won't be a problem," he said, grinning.

"We'll see about that," I said quietly, then shot off.

Running was something that I'd always loved, and compared to others of my kind, I was awfully good at. But it was more than just the sport and the hunting I'd loved about it. I loved the feeling of the breeze in my hair and the grass beneath my toes and I sped through the air, tasting and smelling every breeze, listening to every snapping branch and sapling. I could feel everything around me when I ran, and it made me feel more alive than I'd ever felt, regardless of my silent heart.

"East!" I exclaimed, changing course as I caught the grizzly's scent.

"I can smell it!" he yelled back, and I could hear the excitement in his tone. "You're right! They don't smell very different at all!"

I smiled. Even with the little time we'd spent together, I sure loved it when he was at all happy or excited. To see that spark in his eye and hear the elation in his voice—it was so sweet to me.

I began to slow as we approached the den, signaling for Jasper to do the same.

By the time we'd slowed to a mere human-paced walk, we were only twenty or thirty yards off of the den.

"Alright," I whispered to him, "She's in there, but she'll be emerging in less than a minute. I'll let you have her, if you'd like, and I'll take the cubs."

He nodded, but seemed guilty about taking the bigger kill. "Are you sure? You look awfully thirsty, Alice."

I smiled at his courtesy—he was always such a gentleman, wasn't he?

"Don't worry about it, Jasper, I'll be fine. You need it more than I do. Besides, you've got to learn how to take down the big ones." I laughed silently then.

"Okay," he agreed, but I could tell he didn't like taking more for himself.

Just then, the mother grizzly walked out of her den, tentatively and timidly.

"She can sense us," I whispered. "She knows we're here."

Following after the mother, her two cubs came up behind her, looking up at her expectantly.

"How did you know there'd be cubs, Alice?" His question was sudden and serious.

"Oh, I'll tell you later, just pay attention for now," I answered shortly, still focusing on what the mother was deciding on.

He turned back to the bears then, eyeing up his prey.

"Alright, listen carefully," I began, turning to Jasper. "When she sees us, she'll run right for us. This makes things a lot easier for you. A quick snap of the neck and you're done. I thought she might run, but it seems she's decided to make a stand if anything comes her way."

I tried not to pay attention to the confusion in Jasper's eyes as he listened to my direction. "Now, for me, things will be more difficult. The cubs are going to split off, one west and one south. I'll have to chase them down individually."

"Would you rather I take them, then? You know, for tracking practice?" He smiled, knowing he'd caught me in my own intentions. I knew what he was doing here, trying to give me the bigger meal. But he was right, he needed to take the harder kill and learn a bit.

I sighed heavily, illustrating that he'd outsmarted me and that I didn't like it. "Always the gentleman, aren't you?"

He smiled, suddenly becoming more excited.

"Alright, are you ready?" I asked.

He nodded, readying himself and tensing to run.

"Let's go!" I exclaimed then, leaping toward my prey and letting Jasper take off towards his.

The mother was startled as I landed before her, leaving one yard of space between us. I crouched and snarled at her, intimidating her and holding my ground.

She roared back with the same intensity, standing up on her hind legs to take her battle stance.

Taking advantage of this combat ritual, I lurched for her neck and sank my teeth in, wrapping my arms and legs about her in the same instant. She fell on top of me, thrashing and growling and roaring in pain and anger.

But once I'd tasted her blood, it was all over. Swallow after swallow of her hot scarlet, she grew weaker and quieter. Finally she had fallen silent.

I drank every last drop of her I could manage before she ran dry, pushing her off of me when it had come to that.

When I'd stood up to brush myself off, I looked up in surprise to find Jasper leaning over one of the cubs, the other already lifeless and empty.

Once he'd finished, he too stood up, wiping his mouth with his forearm.

I burst into laughter then, covering my mouth with one hand, the other holding my gut. He stood before me in barely any garments at all, just his pants which had been reduced more to shorts now. His shirt hung in rags over his arms and torso.

I took notice of his well sculpted form for a fraction of a second, trying not to lose myself in his beauty. It took effort, and in that moment I was glad that no blood ran through me, or I'd have been as red as a tomato.

"What?" he asked then, insecurity slowly coming over him.

I'd finally calmed enough to speak, but a smile was still on my lips.

"Jasper, you're not so good at avoiding those claws, are you?" I laughed again, taking another look at him.

At these words, he looked down at himself, and then a look of absolute embarrassment fell over him—I was sure he'd have blushed if he were capable.

"No, I suppose I'll have to work on that."

I shook my head, then walked toward him and worked to remove at least his tattered shirt.

"We'll find you something new," I smiled, tossing the rags to the side.

"Where?" he asked, eyeing me curiously.

"Why, the store, of course!"

"You mean to tell me," he began, "that we're going to waltz into a store looking like this?" He gestured to his bare chest and raised an eyebrow.

I laughed then, taking his hand. "You forget, Jasper, it's nearly midnight. No one will be out. And we'll move stealthily and unnoticed."

He nodded but didn't seem resolved on the subject.

Regardless, we ran to the nearest town. We knew that this meant we'd be back tracking slightly, but we'd only gotten as far as we had at a snails pace, so regaining our distance would be effortless.

We stumbled upon a boutique, dark and obviously closed up for the night. We lucked out with no clean up crew either.

"This one will do," I said, smiling. Secretly, I was elated to go shopping. I knew I'd only get to choose one outfit, but that would do just fine—I was due for new clothes anyway.

We disabled the alarm in fractions of a second, walking right in and beginning to browse.

Jasper caught my smiles and couldn't help but ask.

"Why so pleased, dear Alice?"

I giggled embarrassingly. "I love clothes, you haven't the slightest clue." I illustrated my confession by pulling a gorgeous black cocktail dress from the rack and holding it up to myself.

"And you plan to run in that?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

I stuck my tongue out at him and scrunched my nose up, placing the dress back on the rack and looking for something more practical.

He laughed at my false annoyance, leaving me to go browse the men's clothing.

After a while of looking, I found something I liked—a navy blue, flowered shirt with pearl buttons down the front and a pair a great fitting blue jeans. I threw them on while Jasper continued to browse on the other side of the store, then went to see if he'd made any progress.

He was holding up two shirts, deciding between them. He'd already changed bottoms, sporting a pair of rough, baggy blue jeans.

Again, I fought against the longing to eye his well sculpted torso, instead deciding which of the two clothing choices would look best on him.

"I rather like that one," I said, point to the black one he'd been holding in his left hand.

He looked over at me, smiling. "Blue is beautiful on you, Alice."

"Thank you," I said, ducking my head and smiling embarrassingly. "But really, I think that black one is sharp. And yellow isn't really your color." I said, nodding towards the other one.

"Very well then," he said, placing the yellow shirt back on the rack. Then, in one swift movement, he threw the black shirt over his head and pulled it down over his chest, relieving my eyes of their foolish gazing.

"Lovely," I nodded, clapping my hands together jokingly.

He walked back over to me, raising his hand and touching my hair.

I froze at his closeness, wondering at feelings inside of me. I longed to close the distance between us, to hold him and inhale his smell—it was foreign and strange.

Just as quickly as he'd raised his hand, he lowered it, a small piece of something pinched between his index finger and his thumb.

"Here," he smiled. "You had a little lint in your hair."


	4. Chapter Four

Author's Note: Sorry it took me forever to post this chapter. I was struggling with the direction I wanted to take, and once I figured it out, it ended up being a pretty lengthy chapter. Anyways, it's all about Jasper's past, so I hope you enjoy it [: Also, sorry if there's typos-I really didn't want to proof read :P

* * *

It took us less than forty-five minutes to regain the distance we had lost, and once we had, we slowed down to a walk. By now it was perhaps two or three am, which meant we had met a little less than two days ago, and we'd been moving towards our destination for about half of that. Most of our time was lost due to the oddity of our skin in day light, but now that we'd moved far enough north, deep into Canadian no-man's land, it was unlikely there'd be need to stop daytime travel until we reached Michigan.

"What is it that you enjoy so much about shopping?" Jasper asked with a smile in his voice.

I shrugged. "I can't say there's any one thing. Everything about it gives me a kind of joy I've never really known."

He seemed puzzled by the idea that shopping could make anyone happy, so I rolled my eyes and began my reasoning.

"I think it's got a lot to do with the smells—so many kinds, all different in pungency and fragrance. Take leather for example: it's such a rich, dark scent; it can even make me thirsty. And denim—what a sweet smell it has; it's almost floral."

He chuckled just as I'd finished my sentence about the denim.

"What?" I asked, slightly hurt by his laughter.

"It's nothing, really," he said. "I've just never heard of such a thing until now."

I half smiled, embarrassed that I'd answered his question at all.

"But really," he said then. "I love watching your passion take flight, even if it is about something as trivial as clothing. It's alluring."

My half smile doubled then and I giggled, marveling at his use of the word 'alluring'.

"Yes, clothes are quite trivial, aren't they?"

He looked away into the black trees, his thoughts seemingly turning towards somber issues.

"Alice?" he asked then, and his voice had become exponentially more serious.

"Yes?"

"You never told me how it is you knew there'd be cubs." He looked at me then with a longing curiosity.

I exhaled heavily, and then bit the bullet I'd been holding between my teeth.

"I can see the future," I shrugged. "Or rather, someone's destined path. At first when I'd mentioned chasing her, it was because the mother grizzly's choice at that point in time was to run. But when I'd said she was going to come straight for us, I said it because she'd decided differently." I looked at him then, gauging his reaction.

His eyebrows were pulled together, just as they always were when he was thinking deeply.

"So, you have visions of the future?"

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Then," he continued hesitantly. "That's how you found me at the diner—you saw I was coming, didn't you?"

I nodded but said nothing, intimidated by the monotone in his voice.

"Why, then?" he asked. "Why did you come to find _me_ of all people?"

"I just had a feeling about you," I nearly whispered, unsure. "You looked lost, and you seemed like you could use some finding—so I found you."

He nodded and his face lightened then, my own anxiety falling away.

"Thank you," was all he breathed.

I smiled at him. "It was no trouble at all."

We took a few paces in silence before he spoke.

"You know, Alice, I have a gift too."

"Do you?" I asked in surprise. "What, then?"

He sighed, his eyebrows coming together again. "It's rather difficult to make someone understand. But I'll try my best.

"You see, I can…" he struggled for the right word. "I can _taste _people's emotions. I can taste sadness, pain, grief, happiness, excitement, lust, anything—all by someone feeling the emotion. It's as if I've waltzed into an ice cream parlor and tasted every flavor."

He paused to let it sink in.

"That's amazing," I whispered, stunned by the mere idea.

"Just as well," he continued. "I can make people feel things, or essentially manipulate someone's emotions—calm them down, work them up, distract them."

He paused again, still watching me heavily.

"That's some gift," I breathed.

Then a sudden thought occurred to me. My feelings for Jasper, whatever they were called, could be tasted just as sadness or happiness could. Was it really so far fetched to believe Jasper knew how I longed for him?

"Have you ever…" I trailed off, concern in my eyes.

"It's virtually impossible to avoid it," he answered, knowing my exact question. "But I've done my best. Your privacy is important to me, I'd never violate that willing. Nor have I manipulated your emotion—you haven't given me reason to, nor would I without your permission."

I nodded, slightly comforted. But it was most likely true that he knew how I felt for him this whole journey, while I could barely get a grasp on his ambiguous, mixed signals. It hardly seemed fair, but I breathed deeply, trying my best to not think of it.

"I promise, Alice," he whispered then, taking my hand and squeezing it. "I only taste the emotions you exuberantly feel, simply because I cannot avoid those."

He chuckled then and grinned widely. "Like when we were shopping. You had this aura of elation beaming from you. I couldn't help but taste it."

We were both silent for a moment, him smiling sweetly at me while I marveled at the way his sultry, deep voice spoke so admiringly of me.

He began again, serious once more. "I'll always do my best not to violate the privacy of your emotions. Poker faces have uses, and I'll let you employ them whenever you feel necessary."

I turned to see him at my side, my hand held inside his firmly.

"Thanks," I said, a smile beginning to spread on my lips.

"It's no trouble." He patted my hand kindly, then released it and began walking once more.

It was my turn to ask a question now, so I let the wheels turn in my head before I found a good one to present him with.

"Jasper?" I asked, calling his attention.

"Yes?" He turned his head to look at me, seemingly suspicious of my tone.

"I haven't a clue where I'm from, or who I even am," I began. "But you—you have so many memories of who you once were and of where you once came. I just thought you could tell me all about those places and people you once cherished and loved. Tell me a real good story; I just want to learn about you."

He laughed his smoky laugh and his smile reached his eyes.

"Now why would you ever want to waste your time listening to a dull creature like me rant on about his life?"

I thought for a moment, and then simply replied: "Because you're worth every second."

My answer seemed to catch him off guard, though he certainly didn't mind what I'd said. In fact, he was visibly elated. After a few brief moments of his smiling crookedly, he gathered himself, clearing his throat before speaking once more.

"Well, where should I start?" he asked.

"Anywhere you please," I replied, gesturing for him to begin.

He looked at me once more in a tentative matter, and then proceeded to tell his story.

"My mother and father were birds of two very different feathers," he began. "Mother was the most eligible bachelorette in all of her county, beautiful, rich and most of all intellectual—my grand-mother made sure of that.

"Father was born into great wealth, an Englishman coming to America initially to study abroad and stay with his uncle for a semester. Lo and behold, his uncle lived in the same county as my mother did.

"They claimed it was love at first sight, and everyone else seemed to agree. So affectionately enthralled, they courted for merely three weeks before arranging wedlock.

"It was a respectable marriage, of course, since both parties came from money. They were socially acceptable, and in those times that was all that really mattered anyhow.

"Their marriage went swimmingly for quite some time—after all, they had three children." He chuckled a little before continuing.

"Their first child was my eldest sister, Belle, two years my senior. She had always been my father's pride and joy—his favorite, truly. He would have, and often did admit that of his three children, Belle was simply the best."

I made a face of discontentment then, unsure of whether or not he could see. I couldn't imagine any child that could have been more magnificent than the noble, humble, handsome creature that stood before me now.

"Next, I was born," he continued. "Since my father spent nearly all of his free time with Belle, schooling her in horseback riding and various activities, I grew very close to my mother. I could tell she longed for a companionship with Belle similar to the one my father had, but she seemed to settle with second best: me.

"Their third and final child was Annalisa." He stopped then and smiled to himself.

"Mother and father already had their favorites by now, as unfair as it may have been, and life suddenly became much more crowded. Anna was often thrown back between mother and father, neither one of them spending ideal amounts of time with the poor child.

"Therefore, I took her as _my _favorite. I was merely five when she was born, and longed for something to focus on, something to channel my energy to. So from the very moment she was born, she became my dearest little sister.

"Belle had a frightening ego by this time, even at the age of seven, so I knew full well she would never waste what time she thought was precious on an insignificant infant. Annalisa was all mine, and I loved her always."

He paused once more, and a somber emotion was over his features. His face became grave as I could feel the light, abundantly joyful mood shift into sadness.

"It is my experience, Alice, that any good thing I've got will in some way, shape, or form be taken from me, no matter how hard I work to keep a grasp on it." He looked at me seriously then, making sure I was listening.

"Annalisa was the first of their children to die," he nearly whispered.

I gasped audibly, feeling my face crease into sorrow.

"I'm so sorry," I began to say.

He sort of smiled sadly and shook his head.

"She died of a fever in the dead of night. I sat beside her as long as I could before mother hurried me to bed. I was twelve then, and she was merely seven.

"I woke the next morning to a shattered world. My best friend, no matter how young she might have been, had left me with no goodbyes and I had abandoned her when she needed me most. I didn't even need the verbal news to know she was gone from me—I could feel that her presence was missing; she wasn't with me anymore."

If tears could have come from the eyes of a creature like me, we'd have cried together in that moment. Incapable of such a symbol of our emotions, I simply held out my hand for his. He took it almost instinctually and squeezed it firmly, silently thanking me. After a few short moments of needed silence, he continued.

"Out of my entire family, I took the hardest hit. After all, neither mother nor father had lost their favorites. But me, I wouldn't eat or sleep or drink for days at a time, much less talk to anyone. After a good month or two, I came around, but I never did return to my old self. Annalisa took a part of me with her when she died: my instinctual joy.  
"I started to branch out a bit and engage in friendships with some of the other school boys, but I never grew very closely with any of them. It certainly gave me distractions, though."

Our hands were still holding one another's, and as he continue his story, I would occasionally raise his hand to my lips and kiss it softly, or I would stroke the back of his hand with my thumb affectionately. He didn't seem to mind it in the least, and even smiled at the brush of my lips as he spoke, though it never stopped his speech completely.

"It was four years later when things took a turn for the worst," he said matter-of-factly. "Belle got into a tragic accident while riding one day. Our horse had been spooked by something unseen and threw her from the saddle, and she landed square on her pretty little kisser." He gestured to his face to be sure I understood his slang.

"Father found her a few hours later, the blood flowing so heavily from her face that he could hardly look at his once beautiful daughter. But he brought her home and called the doctor to come and fix her up and set the bones back in place as best he could.

"She lay in bed for months following ever order that the doctor gave. She was merely sixteen—she still had life in her, and she wanted to be sure she took extra care of her wounds in order to heal properly."

He shook his head then, an almost sympathetic look coming over him.

"I remember very clearly the day they removed her bandages so that she could see her new face. She screamed so loudly and forcefully that I was sure every soul in our county could hear. No more beautiful Belle."

"That's wretched," I muttered, feeling sadness on my brow once more.

"It was," he concurred. "She couldn't handle the loss of her beauty because her beauty had become everything to her. Father and mother had already been keeping their eyes out for a suitor. Belle was like our mother in that way—well rounded, beautiful, intelligent, and extremely eligible for marriage.

"Belle only lasted a week after the bandages were removed; she took her own life with father's hunting riffle."

This time I couldn't mutter an apology or even sentiment. The taking of one's own life is simply too horrific to solve with mere words.

"Father turned to the bottle once Belle died, and neither he nor mother could bear to look at their last and only child. Perhaps they were frightening to grow close to me in the event that I too was lost. But whatever their reasoning, I avoided their company, and they avoided mine.

"With Annalisa dead and both my parents neglecting me, the Civil War came at such a perfect time for me. It provided an ideal escape from the monotonous farm life I'd been living. And since my father had quite high standings in our county and state—despite his drunkenness—I became the youngest major in the entire south."

He smiled to himself then, relishing in the honor he had once had.

"Then what happened, Jasper? How'd you get like this?"

He sighed heavily then, but his smile stayed.

"The same way you did: we just ran into the wrong people."

I could tell by the elusiveness of his answer that story time was over for now.

"That was a beautiful story, Jasper, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Mostly because it was about you, but I would have enjoyed it regardless."

He nodded and looked me in the eyes then.

"Thank you, dear Alice. I do wish more than anything you had a story of your own to tell. I'd sit for hours on end just to hear it."

I shrugged but smiled back at him.

"Someday," I sighed. "Someday I'll remember."


	5. Chapter Five

Author's Note: Alright, I know it's been a while, and for that I am very sorry. Anyway, this is probably the last low-key chapter, cause things get really exciting after this, so prepare yourselves. I've really had a lot of fun so far with this story so I really hope that the few of you who are reading this find some kind of enjoyment in it. Thanks again for reading(:

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Once we had reached northern Wisconsin, we settled into a small cabin for the weekend. It wasn't necessary of course, but neither of us minded a weekend's rest accompanied by a bit of hunting to keep our strength up.

We rolled in at dusk, checking into the camp ground and dazzling our way around what rules we could not abide by. Finally, the manager handed over our keys and we trudged toward the direction he had pointed us in.

"How quant," I said, strolling up to the oak cabin that stood before us.

Jasper seemed unimpressed but was glad enough to have a temporary place to lay his head.

I burst through the doors with excitement and chose which bed I wanted, leaving Jasper to enter at his own uninspired pace. Once he'd closed the door behind himself, he sat down on the remaining bed and smiled weakly, laying back against the pillows.

"This is nice," he breathed, closing his eyes and exhaling.

"Yes," I concurred, stealing a long glance at him while his eyes were closed.

I watched the way his fingers wound through his golden tendrils, the way his lips moved with each breath he took. His eyes were so tightly closed, yet his brow was at peace, not one wrinkle in place. His long eye lashes lay perfectly against his porcelain skin. And the scars really weren't so bad once I'd gotten used to them. They only reminded me now of his strength and valor. So handsome, he was.

Suddenly, he wrenched upright and was at my side in fractions of a second.

"Alice," he breathed, meeting my eyes. His smoldered playfully as they always had, but they were now bronzing since he'd begun diligently feeding solely on animals.

"Yes?" My voice faltered at his closeness. I was so weak when he taunted me this way.

"Will you take an evening stroll with me?"

I laughed then, confused at his serious disposition, wondering what he was thinking at.

"Well, of course, Jasper," I said, setting down our bag of recently acquired documents, currency and clothes.

"Wait," he said just as I moved to get up. "We might need that."

I looked at him, confused, but picked up the bag once more and took his hand.

"Where are we headed?" I asked as we walked outside.

He thought on it for a moment, then seemingly decided and began walking with out so much as answering me. That was fine though, I didn't really mind. As long as my hand was held in his, it didn't quite matter where we went.

But once we'd gotten well into the forest once more my curiosity claimed me.

"Where are we going?" I repeated my quesiton. We weren't moving at a particularly determined pace, nor in any sort of one direction.

He smiled at me. "We're just walking, Alice. There's no one place I'm headed."

But his smirk had given him away.

"What are you up to, Jazz?"

Laughter fell from his lips then. "Why is it I must be up to something whenever I remain elusive? Spontaneity is a gift of mine, dear Alice, don't deprive me of it."

I laughed too then. "Fine, I'll let you have your fun."

Of course, I searched into the future, determined to find what he was at.

"You're devious," I muttered, unable to find his intentions. He knew that if he continually mulled over various options in his head, never fully deciding, I would never know what was ahead of me.

"Oh, come now, Alice, it's really not fair for you to do that," he scolded me playfully. "Can't you leave me to what little devices I have?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Alright, I won't peek," I promised. "You can decide and I'll ignore the visions as best I can."

"Good" was all he said.

The entire rest of the walk I could feel his decision pulling at the edges of my conscious mind, begging that I take a look and see. But I ignored them as best I could, and all I'd gathered from them was splashing water and laughter.

"Close your eyes," he said then.

"I won't be able to see where I'm going."

He sighed as if he were frustrated, though I knew he was not. He turned around to face me, coming so close that I could feel his breath.

"_Please _close them?" His eyes were downright wicked then, but try as I might, I couldn't deny him the simple thing he now asked.

I closed my eyes and felt his arms pluck me from the ground.

"That's my girl," he whispered then, sending foreign jubilance down my spine.

We walked for quite some time, and the longer we walked, the less determined I had become for him to stop. I rested into his chest so comfortably and easily, taking in the beautiful smell of him. I loved it very much, and I'd slowly realized that this was all I had wanted since the moment I'd laid eyes on him.

"We're here," he finally said, setting me back on my feet. I opened my eyes to wonderment.

Before us was a placid pond lit by fireflies and moonlight, the quiet croaking of bullfrogs in the distance. The water rippled every once in a while, suggesting the presence of marine life below the surface. Crickets sang songs of love to one another, pledging promises in mid-night.

In all my life, I had never seen the night this way before. It had always been a prison to me, never a sanctuary of lights and sounds.

"When you faked your restroom visit at the check-in counter, I saw a picture and asked the manager. It looked positively heavenly. And it is." He walked up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "What do you think?"

I doubted he needed my approval, for I was sure he could feel it deeply.

"It's magnificent, Jasper." I smiled widely, turning to face him. "I've never looked at the night this way before. Or maybe I've never stopped to appreciate it."

He shrugged. "We make those mistakes sometimes, don't we? I blame it on the fact that we're merely creatures of habit."

We both chuckled a bit then.

"Let's sit," he suggested, settling down right on the bank.

We laid out on our stomachs, both looking on at the water and its ripples.

"This is nice, Jazz. Thank you for taking me here."

His eyes were fixed on the scenery before us, but he smiled.

"It was no trouble at all, dear Alice," he said kindly.

So we sat there, our inhuman eyes catching every detail of this night, knowing we would remember it forever. We watched the fireflies and the patterns in which the beckoned to one another with their glow and danced with such splendor. And we listened to the crickets songs—songs that would have utterly annoyed me on any other day—and heard how they called to their lovers in the midnight air. The both of us were simply silent as we laid out and took in this night, this one peaceful night together.

He broke the silence first.

"You're marvelous, Alice," he suddenly said.

I turned to look at him, realizing that for quite some time he had been watching me. His smile was sincere and warm, less mischievous and playful. It was as if he were genuinely admiring me.

"Me?" I asked with a laugh. "You mustn't confuse me with the many other women you've met, Jasper. It's simply rude." I made a point to play up the sarcasm, in case he felt I was dodging his compliment.

"What other women?" he asked with a goofy smile.

I laughed then, as he intended for it to be, then rolled over onto my back, now side to side with him. He was propped up on his elbows, just to the left of me as I looked up into the stars.

"Thank you, Jazz, that was a sweet thing for you to say," I whispered sincerely.

His face suddenly hung over me, his neck craning out as far as was possible.

"Alice, dear?" he asked, and there was an earnest tone to his words.

"Yes?"

He waited for a moment, perhaps still deciding what to ask.

"How do you feel about what we are?"

I bit my lip in thought and squinted in concentration. After a while I simply shrugged.

"I really don't know. I think there are two sorts of us out there: the ones who let what we are stop them from doing what's right and the ones who don't know how to change but feel they must."

He nodded in agreement.

"I think that was perfectly said."

It was quiet once more as he looked down at me. Different than most moments, I wasn't uncomfortably struggling to be hidden from his eyes or embarrassed by the way he stared at me silently and lovingly. I simply stared back and smiled, pleased that I was the only thing that consumed his eye sight. It was selfish and true.

"What a beautiful creature you are, Alice," he said then, catching a stray strand of my hair and placing it back where it belonged.

I rolled my eyes at that, as if any sort of thing were possible.

"You could accept a compliment every once in a while," he laughed.

I giggled then, caught in my own self deprecating law.

"Thank you," I said. "Thank you very much."

I rolled back onto my stomach and held his hand in mine, looking once more into the night. With his hand in my own and the moon to look after us, there wasn't any way it could get better than this.

Simultaneous to this thought I heard a splash, water bursting against my face and hair. The first splash was minimal, but it was the second that drenched the right side of my shirt—the side closest to Jasper.

My mouth hung open in surprise as I stared at him with playful anger.

"I cannot believe you just did that!" I exclaimed.

His response was only his deep, rich laugh as he released my hand and let the hilarity of the moment take him away.

While he was distracted I put both of my hands deep below the surface of the water and pushed with all my force right into the direction of where he rolled laughing. The water came down with such a loud splash and I relished in revenge, laughing.

He was soaked, head to toe, all the laughter gone, pursed lips in its place.

"Alright," he said. "I see how this is going to be."

In a flash I was in his arms, in the air, and then in the water. I tumbled beneath the surface, reeling and flipping as I searched for ground beneath me. When I'd found a place to stand I wrenched up out of the water, its level to my neck. It took Jasper a moment longer to come up, and when he had he wound his arms around me and brought me close.

"What a mess we've made," he laughed, pushing away the wet hair that hung in front of my eyes. "Shall we get dried off?"

It took me a moment to reign in my giggles, but once I had I nodded.

"Blankets and book, I think."

I agreed with another nod and held him close to me.

Carrying me in his arms he walked back onto shore, dipping down momentarily to fetch our backpack of belongings and then continued on to our cabin.

Once inside, we took our turns in the bathroom to change out of our wet garments, and then, using blankets we made a place on the floor to commune.

"Lewis Carol's _Alice in Wonderland_?" I asked, eyeing him curiously. "You do have a taste for humor, don't you?"

We sat across from each other just as we had that first night, but now a pile of books sat where fire had once been. It was a step up, I thought.

"Oh, stop," he said, taking the book from my palms. "It's a good book; I think you'd like it."

I laughed slightly and shook my head, bringing the woolen blankets closer to me and reaching for another book.

"Poe!" I exclaimed.

He laughed and craned closer to look at the title of the book.

"_The Black Cat,_" he read. "My, you've a taste for the macabre, dear Alice."

I peeled back the hardbound cover to the first page.

"Well, I find Poe to be an appropriate read in our circumstances."

He nodded. "Touché."

After he said this we settled down with our books, nothing but a lamp to light our midnight literature. It felt so peaceful, I had realized. To be truthful, I'd lost track of how long we'd been together in the jubilance of every moment we'd shared. Nothing was out of bounds here, no happiness was limited. We could live and work our very best to let live. We could grow and master strengths we had never thought possible before the vision of a home where abstinence wasn't such an obscure idea. And even though we were only just beginning to control our bloodlust, we already felt like gods. We were mastering something very few of our kind had, and when we did, the possibilities were endless.


	6. Chapter Six

Author's Note: Okay, here we go! Super exciting chapter, I think. I'm leaving for vacation today, so I thought it was only fair I leave my readers with something to hold them over with until I get back. I hope you enjoy this one, as I did enjoy writing it. I think there's so much emotion in this one, I really love it. But enough of my chattering. Read, and I hope you like(: Also, sorry for typos. I was so anxious to post it, I really didn't proof read well, hah.

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"You've got everything?" Jasper asked, placing the last of our books into the backpack.

"I think so," I sighed, taking one last look about the small cabin.

"Alright then," he smiled, "let's go."

It was hardly dusk as we headed out, enough sun in the sky to light our skin if we hadn't been shaded by the trees surrounding us. We walked close to one another, leading casual conversation as we so often loved to do, occasionally holding hands when the opportunity presented itself.

I was in deep now, I had realized. This creature, this beautiful and intense being, was not, nor had ever been, someone I had felt indifferently about. I had always been drawn to him, always longed for him, but it was only now I felt a considerable amount of mutual affection from him.

"Which way are we headed now, Alice?" He asked the question casually as he had any other, but I knew there was a certain amount of anxiety and restlessness in his query.

Finding the same motivation within myself, I searched the future once again for the vision I had grown to know so well, preparing to pay extra attention to where it was exactly our future family was located.

Yet, where there once had been a familiar vision, I found nothing. Panic began to crawl up my spine like an insect trying desperately to remain unnoticed.

Jasper felt this immediately. "Alice?"

Ignoring him for the moment, I pinched my eyes closed once more, searching and searching the future for what we most needed.

"It's gone," I barely spoke, near tears if I were capable.

He said nothing at first. He only stood beside me, tense and prepared to do what needed to be done in order to bring things back to what we felt was normal and right.

"Surly, you must remember it. Just look there and see."

"No!" I felt myself protest. After yelling this, I immediately regretted taking my anger and frustration out on my beloved one, but it simply didn't work that way.

"Memories serve no purpose if the vision can't be found, Jasper." I explained, trying my best to redirect my displeasure away from him. "Who's to say the vision hasn't changed if I rely solely on what I remember?"

I trudged back and forth, placing the tips of my fingers on either side of my skull, massaging, desperately trying to bring the visions back.

"Damn it!" I growled angrily.

Once I'd given up, I could feel Jasper behind me.

"It's alright," he assured me. "You'll find it soon enough. You said yourself the clan takes up a permanent residence, so I see no reason to ruffle your feathers if you're sure they're not going anywhere."

"Without my sight, I can't be sure of anything," I said, feeling that I'd now surrendered myself to self-deprecation and loathing.

I sat down in the brush and steadied myself. Jasper was right behind me, taking a seat next to me, his eyes never leaving me, always concerned.

"It's just frustrating," I said between clenched teeth. "You would think after all this time I could master keeping track of one little vision…" I trailed off, fuming.

Unexpectedly, I felt his hand wrap around mine.

The warmth of him, or rather his relative temperature, was soothing to my frustration, and I squeezed his hand as a silent thank you.

"It's alright," he repeated, whispering the words softly.

Just then I could feel myself coming to calmness, and I turned to smile at him for doing me yet another favor.

"Thanks. I needed that."

"It's no problem, Alice, none at all." He smiled back at me.

We sat there for a while, just listening to the birds, to the world around us. It was simply us, together in a steady place, with only each other and our hope.

I glanced down at out hands after some time, admiring the way they folded around one another, as I always had. It was easy being with him this way; there was no pressure to be anything but me. I knew he appreciated me and respected me and cared for who I was, just as I felt the same for him, which made this time together—or any time for that matter—a blissful thing.

He tightened his grasp on my hand then, beckoning for me to meet his eyes.

I did so happily, yet my face was still drawn downward.

"We know west, don't we?" he asked, trying his best to find the sunny side of things.

I nodded.

"Then that's all we need, dear Alice. After all, we've got one another, good books and clothes on our backs. So what if we arrive later than expected? We decided to move slowly regardless. Perhaps this will only allow us to see something we wouldn't have otherwise, huh?"

"I suppose," I muttered, still lost in despair.

His hand left mine and then reached up to my face, kissing my cheek briefly and sweetly. Almost instinctually, I closed my eyes and leaned into him as he did so, seemingly pulled from my former gloom.

We both laughed as he wrapped his arms around me, allowing me to rest against him comfortably.

"Cheer up," he whispered to me. "We'll find them, don't let that silly mind of yours worry one bit."

All I could do was smile then, and he smiled back.

He rose to his feet then and brought me up with him, seemingly ready for action.

"How about a warm drink?" he asked.

"That sounds perfect, actually."

"Good," he sighed. "Would you like to lead the way?" he asked, gesturing for me to work my magic and find the hunt.

I closed my eyes, listened and smelled the breeze.

_Hoof beats, east, approaching us fast._

"Elk," I said matter-of-factly. It wasn't an ideal treat, but we needed something to satisfy our thirst.

He nodded but seemed reluctant. "Don't you think we should head out into the trees a bit more, just to be safe? We might find something more fitting anyway."

"Well, aren't you famished?" I asked. "Besides, I think we're well out of the way of humans."

His concern didn't leave.

"I suppose," he said skeptically. "I just wanted to be cautious, is all."

"We'll be fine," I winked. "Now, you take them from the south, I'll take them from the north. We'll close in and pluck as many as we can catch. Then we'll have a nice drink and be on our way."

"Superb" was all he said.

We waited beneath some shrubbery until they were with in hearing distance of us.

Jasper's face was tense and disturbed as we crouched in waiting.

"Jasper," I whispered, beckoning for him to look at me.

When our eyes met he seemed horribly burdened.

"What's the matter?"

He shrugged. "I can't place it. This just feels bad."

I brushed his golden tendrils from his eyes and caressed his cheek.

"Nonsense," I assured him. "All is well."

He nodded and smiled at me kindly.

Our faces were close, perhaps the closest they'd ever been as our noses grazed each other. In an untimely manner, we could suddenly hear hoof beats in the near distance.

"Alice, I'm going to kiss you now," he breathed softly.

"Okay," I agreed nervously.

He closed the final inch or so between us and kissed me so sweetly and gently. Our lips moved together for what seemed like an eternity before he pulled back.

"I'll see you after the hunt," he winked, and then ducked out of the shrubbery to take his position in our scheme.

Though my heart begged that we would forget about this infinitesimal catch, I sighed and quickly ran to my position and waited for the elk to cross our path.

It was only ten seconds until they'd reached us, and I leapt out from behind my tree, taking down a large male and then a female.

But something was amiss, I had realized. Where was Jasper? The question was surprisingly so important that thirst was nearly undetectable. I needed to find him and be sure that nothing had gone wrong.

Alas, I was too late.

The moment my lungs had taken in her sweet, intoxicating scent was the same exact moment the vision had come to me, and by the time I'd seen it, stopping him was a moot endeavor.

I'd heard it happen—heard the cracking of bones and the tearing of flesh as he killed her softly and quietly—and more than anything I wished that my gifts had been more precise, faster. Now all that was left to do was wait and watch and listen, and then attempt to pick up the pieces after he'd realized his mistake.

Though I knew my presence would save no one now, I ran until I found him. He was hunched over on the forest floor, taking long, lustful swallows of her blood, and I stood only nine or ten yards away, helpless and sorrowful. I could see his eyes then, crazed and hungry, and I knew that my Jasper was not there, at least not for this brief moment. Only a small voice of him remained, unable to fight the sudden, unseen temptation of blood that had ambushed him.

I held my breath, sealing my lips and nostrils shut tightly. I would not let instinct take over. I knew Jasper's slip up would be enough of a mess to have to clean up after, and the last thing I needed was to break my clean record.

It took him merely twenty-three seconds to drain her completely, and when he had, he only sat still, clutching the small child to his chest.

I thought maybe he would've gotten up in anger and run off, or lashed out at some surrounding trees—anything to unleash the anger I knew he would direct at himself.

But instead he sat and wept, holding the girl's limp, broken body in his arms.

Surprised, I hadn't the slightest idea of what I should do. Leave him be? Hold him? Reassure him that all would be well? Scold him?

"Why?" he muttered then, between sobs. "Why?"

"Oh, Jasper," I crooned, wishing so much that I could cry for him.

I walked over to where he sat, then squatted down beside him and wrapped my arms around his shaking shoulders. It was difficult to get a good hold on him, for he still held the dead human child in his arms, but I managed, securing him to me completely.

"Jasper, this wasn't your fault. We all slip up; it was just an honest mistake."

This obviously hadn't been what he wanted to hear.

"_Mistake?" _he spit, lurching to his feet, dropping the girl as he did so. "_Just a mistake!_

His eyes burned then as he looked into mine, tormented.

"I could feel _everything!"_ he screamed, startling me. "_Everything _she felt, I could feel in my bones as I took the life from her, slowly. _Mistake _is a gross understatement."

He put his hands on either side of his face then, tensing them as if he were ready to tear his own head from his neck. Seconds later, he sank back down to the forest floor, his anger seeming to evaporate, leaving behind only desperate, sincere sorrow.

"Alice," he whispered then, and I thought maybe he wanted me to come to him. I stayed in my place, though, waiting and listening to him.

"She missed her mother, Alice. She missed her mother terribly. She was scared and all alone and…just lost. All she wanted was to be _home._ And I took it all away; I took her away from her mother and her home."

I longed to be next to him, to hold him and love him and tell him that everything would be okay. Most of all, I wanted him to know that this didn't matter, not to me at least. He was still Jasper to me—same, lovable, dependable, gentlemanly Jasper.

So, despite his sorrow and pain, I rose and walked over to him, then sank down beside him once more. This time it was easier to hold him, not having to work around the human girl.

"Shh…" I said, working to sooth him. "All will be well again, I swear to you, Jasper—I'll make it so. Now, you take all the time you need and I'll take care of the mess."

I kissed the crown of his head before walking over to where the lifeless girl lay, taking her up in my arms and trudging off towards the river. I half expected him to stop me, but I realized that he surely wouldn't want to be anywhere near the dead girl and see her face once more, recalling the emotions he'd tasted.

I made it to the edge of the bank in no time, examining the girl before I tossed her over into the water.

She had beautiful blonde hair, silky and sheen in the sunset. She wore a dainty blue dress, pleated at the sleeves and hemmed in lace, with a bow tied round her waist. She would've made a beautiful immortal.

But, here was a young, golden-haired, bouncing little child, innocent and scared, lost and searching for home, suddenly attacked by a monster, thirsty only for her death. I imagined the look in her eyes as she watched the monster grab her and stifle her screams; the sound in her throat as she helplessly cried only for her mother.

And even with all the imagining I'd done, I knew my sorrow paled in comparison to Jasper's, because I was simply a third party who witnessed it. He, however, was the one who had to live with the fact that the monster who'd taken her innocent life was him.

No longer able to bear the weight of this burden, I tossed her over into the rushing waters, praying that no one would have the displeasure of stumbling upon her.

I should have expected him to have disappeared when I arrived back at the scene, I should have known that he wouldn't have the strength or courage to face me. But the realization of my expectations aligning with reality stung my heart.

"Jasper," I called. "Jazz, please, come back."

My calling and pleading became more and more frantic as I hunted for his scent somewhere, trees tumbling to the forest floor in my frantic search.

"Jasper _please!_" I cried out.

It occurred to me I should search the future for him and see what his plans were if he had any.

_He strolled up to a dilapidated building, windows broken in and doors boarded up. He leapt up the a second story window and climbed through easily. _

"_Maria?" he called out. _

_It took only a second or two for his call to be answered. _

_She was beautiful, long mahogany locks falling down to her shoulders, a antique 1850's gown on slim body. She seemed hardly a teenager, but her immortal beauty made her much older now._

"_Look who decided to come crawling back," she said in her Latin accent, clearly pleased with his return._

_Two other young women walked up from behind her, both dressed similarly, eyeing Jasper lustfully. _

"_Don't get any ideas," he cautioned her. "I just need a place to stay."_

_The one named Maria laughed and walked up to him, bringing her body close to him and running her hands down his shoulders. _

"_When have you ever just needed a place to stay?" she asked, and then she kissed him passionately. "Oh, how I've missed you."_

_His face did not boast the same feeling as he gently pushed her away and walked out of the room past her and both women. _

"_He'll come around," she smiled mischievously._

I opened my eyes and sighed. He was headed south to Texas, I had gathered. At first, because of the insecurity I felt due to Maria's beauty and obvious lust for Jasper, I nearly called it quits. How could I ever compete with her?

But that insecurity didn't seem to matter once I'd gathered myself and made my decision. Jasper had become my world in the time we had known each other. There was a love and a passion there that I had never once felt before, and I wasn't about to let him walk away from me without some kind of fight. After all, I knew he felt the same. He simply needed someone to remind him of home and assure him that his mistake would be forgiven.

I sighed deeply and shook my head, rationality hardly believing that I was about to do this. Nonetheless, it looked like I was headed for Texas.


	7. Chapter Seven

Author's Note: Okay, I'm back from vacation! This is probably the shortest chapter you will ever read in your life, haha. But not to fear, this is just meant to hold you guys over until I get the next one typed up. Which is finished and much more exciting than this, I just won't have time to get it posted this weekend. But that one will be up within the next few days, promise. This chapter was so short because with Jasper out of the picture temporarily, Alice does a lot of self reflection. And that can get a little annoying, so I kept this one nice and short. Much love, readers, I'll post soon!

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I tried my best not to sulk as I fetched up our backpack and took my first steps toward the south. The scent of him was everywhere.

This wasn't going to be easy for me, I knew that much. After all, he'd run away from me. Where was I going to find the motivation to bring him back with me when he'd willingly abandoned me? Where would my strength come from late at night when I didn't have him there to encourage me?

All the while the vision played and replayed in my head, the young but fiercely beautiful Maria kissing him hungrily. I had to admit his rejection of her tasted good. But it was clear this visit had opened up a whole cupboard of skeletons I was just beginning to unearth.

After a while, human speed became frustrating as it so often did. Slipping my shoes off, I put them in the backpack and shot off.

Running had always seemed to put things into a more rational perspective for me. I never quite knew why or how, but it did. Just as soon as the grass swept across the bottoms of my feet and the breeze weaved through every strand of my hair, it banished all my negative energy and thoughts. And when that happened, I could find my motive and maybe even some happiness in that.

I ran all night until I reached Oklahoma. I knew I was so close to him in relation to where I had been earlier. Truthfully I could have found him within an hour or so if I were fast enough. But I decided it was best to wait at least a day or so. Not only was it a good exercise for my patience, but it would give Jasper the time he seemed to so desperately need.

So, against my true will, I stopped at a motel in Elgin.

"What can I get for you, darling?"

It was about five in the morning when I checked in, daylight nearly beginning to break. The woman who serviced me was stout and sweet, her gray hair pulled back into a bun.

"I'd like a room for two nights," I said quietly, pulling a couple twenties from the backpack.

She rang it up from behind the glass, telling me the total and wishing me a pleasant stay.

Once inside my room I sat down on the springy mattress and pulled my feet up.

This was solitude in its saddest form, I thought. I'd nearly forgotten what if was like to be alone, to be so depressed, drowning in my own thoughts. I obviously needed a good run.

But the world was on the cusp of daylight and I was doomed to be stuck inside this small motel room.

Just then I saw a radio on the bedside table. This would have to serve as a good enough distraction, I figured.

I flipped it on and searched for whatever station would come in clearly.

Of course, the first song that began to play was Frank Sinatra's "I've Got You Under My Skin".

I sighed and rolled my eyes, ripping the power cord out from the wall. This was going to be a very long two days.


	8. Chapter Eight

Author's Note: As promised, an exciting chapter eight. I had a bit of a struggle with this one, so if you're weirded out or feel like I totally fell off of the wagon, lemme know and I'll try to redeem myself in later chapters. Anyway, I hope you guys like it. LOTS of action. Much love!

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The two days had passed so slowly, like torture really. I'd come and gone throughout the evenings, making runs to hunt as frequently as possible. Southern animal blood wasn't all the pleasurable I had come to realize, but Kansas was as far away as I was willing to go, considering the circumstances. And of course, just as soon as I had realized my two day were up, I flew from the motel as fast as was humanly possible so as not to attract attention and I followed his scent straight to Austin.

On the dingy side of town I milled about in the darkness for a while, looking about at all the broken windows and disheveled houses until I finally stumbled upon the warehouse I had seen Jasper run away to. I approached with caution, unsure if there would be anyone on the lookout for a stranger. It was certainly the kind of place that would be entirely unappealing to humans, condemned to uselessness now. Of course, every broken down lot has their fair share of curious teenagers.

I searched for the second story window I had seen in my head, hoping this would be where Jasper was, or at least a nearby start. Taking a deep breath before leaping, I tried to prepare myself for whatever was at hand. No matter what would come, I had to keep my head on straight. Then, with one strong bound, I threw myself from the ground and up through the window, careful to avoid the bits of glass still imbedded in the pane so as not to clatter them to the floor.

Inside there was only candle light.

"Hello?" I called out. But I only heard my voice echo in the empty space.

"Jasper, it's me," I whispered. "Are you there?"

When there was again no reply, I ventured into the dark hall and followed my nose until it led me to a room at the end of the corridor. To my dismay there was no Jasper, only an empty chair and a desk littered with papers. Curiosity got the better of me and I came to the desk, lifting the papers up gingerly and inspecting them. It all didn't look like much, I thought. It was a lot of scribbles and numbers and names. I set them back down, obviously finding nothing that would lead me to Jasper.

Suddenly, I heard clicking heels coming closer from down the hallway. Quickly I hid behind a large armoire, holding my breath uncomfortably.

They steps eventually entered the room, growing from one set to three as the each stopped.

"Despicable," I head someone hiss.

"Silence," another commanded.

The first voice had seemed to calm but spoke nonetheless. "We've made no progress to the west yet we've been at it for months."

"I know," the second voice reassured her. "But now that Jasper's returned all will be set right."

"Hardly so," a third voice said. "You know as well as I that he'll never help us. He only needed a place to stay and nothing more, Maria."

The second voice spoke once more. "Ah, but I can be very persuasive."

"And what of this Alice girl, then?" the first voice asked.

There was no answer to this. All had fallen quiet as I held my breath and listened.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a snarl as the armoire I had been hiding behind was reduced to splinters.

Standing before me was whom I had presumed to be Maria, her lips drawn up into a devious grin. She could not have been older than sixteen, the same being true for the two other girls that stood behind her.

"My, my, what have we here? This must be Alice in the flesh." The one named Maria outstretched her hand and shook mine though I had made no motion towards her.

"A little ordinary," the tallest girl spoke condescendingly.

I ducked my head at this comment and looked away, not quite hurt as I was embarrassed.

"What do _you_ want?" Maria asked me coldly.

I looked at her shyly and timidly.

"I just want to see Jasper."

She pursed her lips and then smiled crookedly.

"Why? He ran from you, Alice." She stepped closer to me and glared mercilessly. "What would ever give you the notion he'd want to see you?"

I looked away again and said nothing because I had no answer. Nothing had given me the notion, nothing at all. I was here because I wanted him to leave with me, though I'd really had no understanding of why he'd left in the first place. Could it really be true that he even wanted me here?

"Leave," she whispered then.

When she spoke this I felt an odd sensation run through me that longed for me to leave, as if it were something I'd really wanted in the first place. A haze had fallen over my judgment as her command echoed throughout my skull again and again and my feet began to take steps I had not told them to take.

"That's enough," someone bellowed, banishing the strange hypnotism.

Jasper stood in the doorway angrily, his hands clenched into fists. Never in our time together had I ever seen him so filled with anger. Even when he had lashed out over the mistake he had made, it did not compare to the way his features bent into such passionately enraged emotions.

Though Maria had seemed to be in charge of the clan and all who harbored there, she backed off from me and frowned, crossing her arms.

Jasper came to my side instantly then, taking my chin in his hand and looking into my eyes.

"Alice," he whispered. "What are you doing here?" His question was genuine as he looked into my eyes curiously. The sorrow and torment I had seen in him just two days ago had not left despite the time I had given him.

"I have to say, I was expecting a more pleasing welcome that that," I sad harshly.

He seemed to frown and looked away, more ashamed than ever.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "That wasn't fair of me."

He shrugged. "I think it's at the very least what I deserve. You shouldn't be the one apologizing. I haven't been on my best behavior, you know."

I sighed and took his hand from my face, lacing my fingers with his.

"I've forgiven you already, you should know that."

"I do," he spoke softly. "But I don't deserve you or your forgiveness."

I reached up on my tip toes and kissed his cheek as softly as a butterfly.

"Nonsense," I said. "I'll have no more of that. I'm exactly what you deserve."

He surprisingly smiled then. It wasn't the widest grin I'd ever seen him wear, but it was an illustration of some kind of happiness nonetheless.

Behind Jasper, Maria cleared her throat in an irritated manner.

"Shut _up,_" he spit, turning to glare at her. "Can't you see I'm a little busy?"

She looked at him wildly, then huffed and left the room. The two others turned to follow, but the tallest stopped in the doorway.

"It was good seeing you, Jasper," she breathed. Her eyes gazed him up and down one last time before leaving.

It was silent for a couple of minutes as we stood there holding hands.

"I'm terribly sorry about Maria. She's awfully sour."

I didn't say anything, mostly because I didn't have the right words for my feelings. I was angry but resolved, jealous but reassured, happy but bitter. Fickle was probably the right word.

He ran his fingers through my hair once or twice as I tried to dodge his pleading eyes.

"Say something," he pleaded.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, still avoiding his eyes. Though I'd now gotten what I wanted having him so close to me, I was confused about the next step.

"Tell me what's on your mind," he offered.

"I wouldn't know where to begin, Jasper," I said, emotionally exhausted now. "I'm just tired."

"Oh," he sighed, still staring intensely at me. He seemed on the cusp of bursting at the seams, like he was holding in an entire universe within himself that was expanding at some rapid rate.

"I'm tired," I repeated in the silence. We stood there for a while longer, the quiet air not as awkward as it was frustrating.

Suddenly, the universe inside had torn from within him; something in him had changed. The next thing I knew his lips were moving with mine hungrily, his hands firmly grasping either side of my face. His hands moved from my face to my waist as he brought me closer and closer to him, taking me into his arms entirely. When our lips parted he brought his cheek to mine and spoke into my ear passionately.

"I missed you _so_ much," he said with heavy breaths. Pulling away, he looked into my eyes deeply and poured his heart out. "I'm so sorry I left, love. It was foolish and entirely inconsiderate. I was simply so ashamed I couldn't stand to have you see me so weak. It was a prideful thing I did, but I'm more sorry than you know."

By now I'd caught my breath and I sighed with a smile.

"Lover, I forgive you," I said quietly. "And I've missed you too. I just needed you to know that it didn't matter to me what happened. It was unfortunate, but there's nothing you could do to make me love you less."

His smile was complete now as he drew me close and kissed the crown of my head.

"Thank you," he breathed into my hair.

I wound my arms around his waist and secured him closer to me still.

"It was no favor," I spoke into his chest.

For a while we just stood there and held one another, eyes closed, stroking each others' hair.

"I was so scared without you," I mumbled.

"Don't be afraid beloved one," he murmured back. "I'm right here."

I took his scent in deeply and exhaled. "Good."

"Can we leave?" I asked finally.

"I thought you'd never ask," he chuckled.

He took my hand in his firmly as we moved towards the nearest window.

"Not so fast," we heard her say.

Maria was back, standing in the doorway with anger on her face.

"Leaving so soon?" she asked in disbelief.

"I made it very clear this was temporary," Jasper spoke matter-of-factly. "You knew that."

"I suppose I did," she sighed. "But we really need your help here. And I can't imagine this rat's more important." She gestured to me undesirably.

"Watch your mouth!" Jasper bellowed.

"Not likely," she said, laughing.

"I _will_ kill you," he warned her.

She waltzed right up to him confidently despite his threat.

"What ever happened to us," she pouted, twirling a lock of his hair with her index finger.

I clenched my teeth tightly as I watched her touch him, wanting nothing more than to rid him or her entirely. But this wasn't my battle I had realized.

He slapped her hand away and snarled. "That's really quite enough."

She shook her head and smiled admiringly at him.

"Jasper, please stay. _This_ is where you belong; with those of your own kind. I've seen idealist like this one before," she said, raising a finger to me. "She's nothing but trouble and it's nothing but a false promise. You can't fight lust like ours, Jasper. It's in our nature to quench the fire with human blood, and human blood alone."

"You're wrong," he replied confidently.

"You're a liar," she shot back. "You miss this kind of power. You miss _me._"

She shot a glare in my direction as a crooked smile came over her lips. She then turned back to Jasper and brought her face close with his.

"You just need a little…reminder," she breathed quietly.

Her mouth came down on his like a predator ambushing prey, harsh and lustfully. Though the moment was short in its entirety, she'd managed to hike her leg up to his hip and wrap her arms about him hungrily.

I closed my eyes then, but the reasons were too plentiful for me to truly decide why. Her lust was my lust, I had to admit. I wanted him but I was afraid to say that just yet. Her lust was infuriating, Jasper was _mine_ now. I couldn't stand to see another woman pine for him so completely while I stood beside, embarrassed. Her lust was uncomfortable. I couldn't watch this no matter how one way it was. She was down right filthy, really.

Just as quickly as she had made her advance, Jasper threw her from him with such great force, the wall behind her nearly being reduced to shambles. Lightening fast she leapt to her feet with craze and snarled at him angrily.

It was when I realized she was going to lurch for him that my body acted faster than anything else in that moment. A defining growl ripped from my chest as I threw myself in front of him protectively.

But this man knew me too well, I had decided. He dodged my noble attempt seamlessly, bringing her out of the air and down to the floor, the wooden planks threatening to give as the cried out in groans. Maria thrashed and snarled helplessly, squirming to simply be free of his over-powering grasp.

"This is the last time you will ever see me, Maria," he said sternly. His eyes were full of fire as he held her life in his hands, threatening to snap her in two. "Remember this moment well when you next desire to think of me fondly."

She had stopped struggling by now and breathed heavily, her face looking as though she could weep. With out another word, Jasper rose from over her, plucked me from the spot I had landed, and then jumped from the nearest window, never once looking back as he did all of these things.

It was quiet as he held me close to his chest and took me back into the night. I had questions and accusations to make, but that all really didn't seem to matter in the grand scheme of things. It was best we let what had just happened pass from our minds before we crossed anymore bridges worth burning.


	9. Chapter Nine

Author's Note: Lucky for you guys, I'm on a writing roll right now, haha. Anyways, there's not much to say about this one, I'll let it speak for itself. Hope you like, and thanks for reading. You're all lovely people(:

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I looked up at him as the desert moon washed over his hard features. I scrutinized his heavy brow; he was too dim as he held me, like all the light in him had gone out. It became abundantly clear that the high of our reunion was fleeting as we both realized things wouldn't solve themselves this easily. He was sorry he'd left, and I'd forgiven him. But that didn't restore either of our self confidences nor our trust in whether or not this was real.

It was silent for nearly an hour as he carried me in the night, both our minds busy, thinking desperately of what to say to one another, how to start this much needed talk. There was a wall I had never felt before as I scrutinized his somber face, as if he had thousands of things to say and no voice to speak it; this sadly seemed the case.

"Put me down," I said, shifting in his arms and searching for sand beneath my feet.

"Why?" he asked, his arms trying to keep me there.

"Just put me down, I can walk well enough."

He did as I asked and looked away, unsure. Placing his hands in his pockets, he sighed, kicking up dust and pursing his lips. It was too quiet, almost as if someone had died. I prayed that this was not the case in a metaphorical sense.

"I don't like this," I finally said.

"Hm?" he asked as if he were clueless.

"What's with this wall?" I elaborated.

He shrugged and sighed.

In his reclusiveness, I turned and began walking northwest.

"Alice, c'mon, don't do that," he said, jogging to catch up with me.

"Do what?" I asked, keeping my eyes ahead.

"Don't shut me out," he pleaded.

I sort of laughed but it was with no humor to be certain.

"I've been an open book always, Jazz. You've been the evasive one. Lots of skeletons in the closet, I see."

"Hey, don't patronize me," he said defensively. "You've got secrets too. Darling I'm not like you. I can't spread myself out on the table to have just anyone pick at me. I've spent a lifetime keeping myself a secret.

"But I'm not just anyone, Jazz," I said sadly. "Let me in, this wall isn't right."

My sincerity didn't seem to faze him. Instead, he kept his hands in his pockets and avoided my eyes. It was quiet again as the wall between us grew taller and taller. I resented it entirely, but I felt as though I could not prevent it. This didn't feel like the end, not at all. I knew we were still in this together. But it was a barricade we'd have to learn to pass before we continued on with anything. His ability to know what I was feeling at any given moment had never been much of an advantage in the first place when it was prudent we stay honest with one another regardless.

"Tell me what you taste of me right now," I told him.

"Whatever for?" he asked.

"Jazz, just tell me!" My voice was taut and aggravated.

He eyed me with a strange curiosity as I lost my patience, then sighed and shook his head.

"What the hell does it matter, Alice?" he finally confessed. "You're fickle beyond comprehension, I can't taste anything." He looked at me as if he were out of options, helplessly lost. "You don't feel right."

After this, he ran his hands through his hair and looked off into the night.

I said nothing. Seeing him lost was something that nearly shattered my will. Yet I realized that lost was a place he needed to be right now. Though our time up until this point had been relatively short, he seemed to need a reminder as to why he'd agreed upon this journey in the first place.

He held his hand out for me then. It was not a truce, nor surrender, but he needed me for strength. I declined the offer and crossed my arms.

"That's it then?" he asked. "You'll pout like this until I fall at your feet?"

I scoffed and then pursed my lips. "This isn't me pouting, Jasper, this is me holding my ground."

We stared each other down intensely before he raised his palms as a sort of white flag.

"This is pointless, Alice. You' know I'd tell you anything if you asked."

"Is that so?" I asked skeptically. "Because you've seemed to make it abundantly clear that I can't disassemble the wall between us. After all, not just anyone can pick at you. I'm understandably confused."

At this point I had half expected him to lose his temper, find some kind of aggression as I used his words against him. Alas, the angrier and more frustrated I became, the more calm and considerate he grew. We had never failed to reciprocate each other in everyway-this dialogue was oddly soothing, knowing that that had not changed.

"Give me the hardest questions first," he suddenly said, "and we'll move on from there."

Not stopping to marvel in his resignation, my first was instantaneous as jealousy, the most human of my emotions, consumed me.

"Maria," I said. "Who is she?"

He surprisingly chuckled briefly and took a few steps closer until we were arms length apart.

"That Jezebel?" he sighed. "An old friend."

"How old?"

"Ancient," he breathed.

"How good of friends were you?" I asked, recalling her intimate gestures.

He paused, took a deep breath and then continued with the hardest answer.

"Nearly mates."

I was quiet for a moment.

"It was just lust, Alice," he commented quickly.

"Oh," was all I could manage in the moment.

He was immediately closer and took my chin in his hands, looking into my eyes.

"As in, there's never been anyone like you in my life; not a soul." He locked onto my eyes then and stayed there as he spoke softly. "I refuse to lie to you and proclaim I hadn't any true emotion for her, or perhaps even some form of love for her. In that world, it seemed best. But believe me when I tell you, darling, my love runs so deeply for you in a way that I could never feel for Maria, or any other being. This," he said, placing my hand over his heart, "as lifeless as it may seem, is entirely yours, for you've brought life _back_ into it."

He drew me close and kissed me softly, pulling away to whisper, "I love you, only you." He kissed me once more, not hungrily but with a soft passion, gentle in the way which he handled me.

"That's not fair," I murmured between kisses, the beginning of a smile touching my lips.

As I spoke he left my lips and kissed my cheeks and nose, making circles with his path.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Can't I be cross with you for one day without you coaxing your way back into my good graces?"

"What have you spent our two days apart as? Elated, I suppose?"

I giggled. "No, of course not. But I was entirely too worried to be purely displeased with you. I had to have you with me again before I could find the stamina to be angry. Maria's kissing you didn't help either." The last part was infinitely less of a serious matter now that I felt his lips were truly mine again.

I felt the breath of his laughter on my skin as his lips moved over my forehead and his nose grazed my cheek bones. I closed my eyes, not needing to dream because this was real.

He pulled away to look me in the eyes and smirked playfully. "She's a wretched kisser, love. And she tastes like cigarettes and gin. I'm traumatized, you know." He went back to planting kisses on my skin. "You _must _help me forget. After all, one needs serious therapy after an event such as that."

Again, I giggled, and then I placed my hand on his cheek and pulled his lips back to mine. The kiss, in a word, was majesty. It was neither lustful nor hungry nor immodest. It was a pure meeting of two lovers' lips, gingerly moving with one another in a way that was passionately tamed and tasteful. There was no lack of desire, of course. There was an intense longing that moved beneath our skin as lava turns beneath earth's surface, hungry and unpredictable. But with this desire was an understanding and ultimately a respect. Hunger could wait, gasoline passion could wait. This was to send a message first and foremost. We loved each other and from this moment on, despite our common lack of self-security in the face of fault, we would let the other love us. Because that in itself was all we had ever truly needed-to love and let love.

When the kiss had concluded, he wrapped his arms around me and I rested my face into the fabric of his shirt.

"What now?" I asked, content with the way in which he held me close.

"To the Cullens'?"

I sighed in remembrance of this fact-the fact we were headed toward a definite and solid future, a future that would mean something.

"Still in no rush?" I asked back.

I felt him shrug. "Our speed was nice, I thought. They'll be no more hang ups, let us hope. Let it just be us on a walk with one anther-a long purposeful walk."

I was sure he felt me nod against him as I breathed a contented sigh.

"But let's find some rest this morning, hm? The sun is on the rise and we ought to find refuge from a sunny place like this."

"Okay," I replied simply.

"Where did all that talk go? I thought winning would be much more difficult," he mused.

I laughed a little and shook my head.

"You didn't win. I forfeited."

"That means I won," he said again, chuckling.

"Sounds good," was all I said.

He chuckled louder and more fully, pulling away from our embrace and taking my hand in his.

"So this is what a lifetime with you will be like, hm? You'll be immensely cross with me some days, only for your will to collapse the very moment I admit my fault?" His grin was devilish. "I must say, you've set me up quite nicely."

My heart leapt when his lips spoke of this lifetime of ours together.

"Darling, it can be whatever you'd like it to be, as long as I've got you to make me whole."

He smiled again and touched his nose with mine.

"Sounds good," he whispered.

That night we found a hotel exponentially more tasteful than the motel I had previously stayed in, finely furnished and upholstered. It was a peaceful night as we laid down and watched television, almost as if we were human. We laughed at their humor and talked constantly of the things we would do once we'd reached the Cullens'. It was a night for planning, indeed, and a magnificent reunion to say the least.


	10. Chapter Ten

Author's Note: OH MY GOODNESS! Why have I failed you guys? Hah, anyway, I'm sorry this took forever and a day to post. I had just started school around the last post and got pretty caught up in all of that. But anyway, I know you'll all forgive me someday(: So, to preface this chapter, in the Twilight series, it's pretty common to find debates and differing views about their salvation and the presence (or lack thereof) of a God. So, I couldn't get through this fanfiction without addressing it some how. Now don't worry your little noodles, I'm not preaching your faces off or anything. I do have my own faith and views, but I wasn't at all aiming to convert you guys(; It's just Alice and Jasper's debate on the situation. I hope you like, and I should be keeping up with my post pretty regularly now that school is under control. Much love!

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"What are their names?" Jasper asked, idly tracing patterns across my palm.

We had remained in our room throughout daylight, the following evening, and now back into the morning, the sun threatening to rise within moments. Our conversations revolved greatly around how we'd spent our two days apart and what we'd done in the absence of one another. I didn't have much to say on the subject, of course; I stared at the same four walls for 48 hours, on and off. But we could both concur that we'd missed each other terribly, and there was no shortage of such statements throughout the conversation.

Jasper now rested his head against my stomach as I stroked his hair and began to follow his train of thought in musing of the Cullens.

"Carlisle is the head of the clan," I began. "But he's really more of a father to them all. He has a kind face," I said, seeing him laugh joyfully.

Jasper nodded and closed his eyes, listening intently to what I said.

"Esme is his wife, and I'd say she's a sort of mother to the younger ones of the clan. Then there's Emmett," I continued, grinning, seeing his goofy smile in my head. "He's quite a jester really, always joking when I see him. Rosalie is his mate-she's absolutely stunning. I couldn't compare any other immortal to her."

"_Right_," Jasper sighed, shaking his head.

"No, really," I said. "She's gorgeous."

He smiled devilishly. "I bet I know someone prettier."

I rolled my eyes but smiled at him, then continued with the descriptions.

"She's beautiful, but I can't quite place her. I just get this introverted sort of vibe from her, perhaps even a little condescending. Nevertheless, she seems to have a kindness. Edward is the last of them, second eldest after Carlisle. He has a very wise disposition, and a true heart that strives to redeem himself for becoming what he has.

"But," I sighed, shaking my head. "There's sadness within him. He's the loneliest of them all, despite the camaraderie that he's found within each of them."

Jasper smiled sweetly, continuing to stroke my hand as he spoke.

"Perhaps he's in need of a humbler sister," he said.

"Or maybe a brother capable of intellectual conversation," I replied.

Just then my eyes peaked over at the window and saw nothing but clouds. Hastily I looked into the future, which foresaw nothing but storms.

"It's going to be rainy today. I think we should go for a stroll," I told him then, stroking his hair.

He scrunched up his nose in displeasure, unsure of daylight.

"Alice, love, how can you be so sure the sun won't peak through? We could be entirely exposed."

I laughed and tapped my temple with my index finger. "The sun won't shine without it telling me first, I'll keep a very close eye on it. And if it does look as though she'll shine through, we can find a place to spend the day until the clouds come back."

He was still not convinced.

"Jasper, _please_? I haven't seen the likes of day in so long!"

He glanced over at me with his eyes, his head remaining stationary on my belly. His lips were pursed in a kind of playful manner as he reached over and ran his fingers down the sides of my face, softly grazing my cheeks.

"Please?" I whispered once more. This desperation need not be falsified-my longing to see day light was genuine.

He sighed heavily and then sat up, shaking his head and frowning.

"Keep a careful watch, you hear?" His face looked as though he were ready to meet the gallows.

Contrary to this displeasure, I burst with elation and slid across the bed to meet my lips with his.

"Thank you, darling!" I said excitedly. I jumped down from the high mattress to go collect up our things.

"Yes, yes," he sighed, waving his hand unenthusiastically.

"Oh, come now," I giggled. "We'll have lots of fun, just you wait and see."

He smiled at my exuberance as he always did, then rose up and put one hand upon my waist, the other relieving me of the bag I was carrying as he place his hand in its place.

"One condition," he said then.

"What?" I asked, eyeing him curiously.

"You have to dance with me first."

My face went slack.

"Dance?" I scoffed. "Whatever for?"

He shook his head and left me to put a record on the turn table. "There's no reason," he said with a smile, realizing he'd hit a nerve.

"Jasper, I don't _want _to dance," I whined. Dancing had never been my forte. Every vampire was agile and coordinated enough, but I simply resented the entire affair.

"Ah, ah, ah," he said, shaking his finger. "This is my one condition. You know very well I could keep us inside if I had the will." He pulled a record or two from beneath the table and read the titles, deciding which was best.

I half considered running for the door, but I knew he'd catch me, leaving whatever surrounded us in shambles. It was an all around bad idea.

Finally he removed an album from the shelf and smiled mischievously at me.

"Perfect," he breathed, setting the needle down and beginning to spin the record.

As the song began, the notes twirling about us, I gasped and then glared at him, pursing my lips.

"Jazz, no!"

"Jazz, _yes,_" he chuckled. Stepping towards me anyway, he took my hand back in his own and rested his other on my waist, pulling me close.

He swayed smoothly, taking me along with him as Frank Sinatra sang of how I had Jasper so deeply under my skin. The saxophone and trumpets filled the room entirely as we spun and moved together and I slowly came out of myself the longer the song persisted, laughing when Jasper sang along impeccably well. He drew me closer and put his lips to my ear, breathing every word to me.

I smiled and hummed along, resting my face into his shoulder as we danced.

"I'd sacrifice anything, come what might, for the sake of having you near, in spite of a warning voice that comes in the night and repeats, repeats in my ear: 'Don't you know, little fool, you never can win. Use your mentality, wake up to reality.' But each time that I do just the though of you makes me stop before I begin. Cause I've got you under my skin."

I giggled when he'd finished the verse and spun us about effortlessly. He sang the remainder of the song with Frank, kissing my cheeks and my forehead, drawing me closer with each measure.

When it had finished, we were both laughing hysterically with joy.

"There, now," he smiled. "That wasn't so bad."

I shook my head as I tried to control my giggles. "It's was lovely, Jasper. You're wonderful in every way."

He shrugged and gave me a smile, taking our packed bag from the recliner and grabbing the set of room keys to take down to the front desk.

We were checked out within ten minutes, venturing out into the bustle of the morning. Holding hands, we kept ourselves close to one another and as far out of other pedestrians as possible. I looked into the future then, making sure that Jasper was set in his ways and no human would accidentally stumble too close.

"Don't worry, Jasper. You'll do perfectly today."

He smiled and kissed the crown of my head as we walked.

"Thank you."

The rain fell softly for some time, misting over the city full of umbrellas and galoshes. Its warmth felt wonderful on our icy skin, rolling down our cheeks and noses in a kind of innocent caress.

"Jasper-love?" I asked quietly.

He nodded for me to proceed.

"What sort of gift does Maria have? I neglected to ask you."

He smiled crookedly. "Let's just say Maria has a way with words. It's a kind of hypnotism she unleashes. She can make anyone do anything she wishes, all the while making it seem as though it was their original thought. The effects are subtle if she's careful enough with it."

My brow creased at the idea of this.

"How was it she couldn't convince you to stay with her?" I asked.

He shrugged and sort of mulled this over for a bit.

"I suppose it was my will. That or I've merely grown immune to her antics."

"Lucky you," I said flatly.

He laughed at this and continued walking.

It was therapeutic to be with him once more in such a way as this. We were simply together as we walked along the streets, hand-in-hand. It made me feel human, or at the very least nothing like what I was-a ruthless killer. I could focus all of my attention on this being whom I loved thoroughly, and I could do so just enough to quiet my thirst's rage.

With this thought I kissed his cheek and thanked him.

"Whatever for, darling?" he asked puzzled.

"Oh," I sighed. "Just for being you."

His smile was so beautiful as he shook his head at me.

"You're so unusual," he sighed.

I shrugged and smiled back.

Just then we were joined by a loud melody that burst forth in the distance. It was beautiful, and I reckoned I had heard similar noises before. Unexplainably, I was filled with excitement when I'd remembered what it was. Contrastingly, Jasper frowned at the sound and I eyed him dubiously through my joy.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Bells!"

He shook his head and frowned.

"No, worse-_church _bells."

This new disposition confused me as his frown stayed in place.

"What's this? You're downtrodden all of the sudden." I said sadly.

He shrugged. "I don't much like churches."

"I've never been to one," I replied.

His astonishment nearly masked his newfound mood.

"You're joking!" he laughed. "Truly?"

I shook my head. "At least I can't remember if I have."

He laughed once more as he began to sink back downwards.

"Consider yourself lucky," he said. "Churches are stifling places."

"Well, love, could we step inside?"

He then came the closest to whining I had ever witnessed.

"Must we, Alice? Did you not hear what I just said? Or has the meaning of the word 'stifling' slipped your mind?"

"Oh hush," I said, patting his arm. "Can't we just for a while? I hear they really are beautiful."

Unable to resist my request, he began leading me across the street.

"Can it be true I'm really taking you to a church during a time which is supposed to be pleasant for the both of us?"

I laughed but said nothing.

We slowly walked through the high arched door way and into the cathedral, heads hung low so as not to draw any particular attention. It was an enormous room, much larger than I had conceived, and the majesty of its artwork overwhelming me instantly. I stifled a gasp as I looked all about me at paintings of men in wrapped cloths clasping staffs and ornate goblets.

Jasper, though seemingly sobered by our current surroundings, smiled at my awe.

"I cans still hardly believe you've never once been to a cathedral of any sort."

"Well, that's not wholly factual. Who's to say I'd never been to one in my first life? Mind you, I can't remember."

He only shrugged.

We walked further in and sat in the very last pew. From where we were I could hear soft speaking, surely meant to be entirely muffled by the scarlet curtains that concealed its origins.

"What's that?" I asked softly, tugging on Jasper's sleeve.

"Confession," he whispered. "It's a time of reverence when one confesses every sin to memory in hopes of forgiveness. I'm due, you know."

By his sly smile I had realized the last part was his attempt at a sarcastic and rather morbid joke.

"That's strange," I replied.

"That's Catholicism."

It was quiet once more as we shamefully listened to the humans behind us list off their sins, both knowing no one could possibly top our darkest: murder.

Just then I became aware of a particular painting at the head of the sanctuary. He was terribly famished, bloody and beaten. Mortified, I saw what looked to be nails driven through his wrists and the tops of his feet. Around his head were thorns, the man's blood flowing freely from his brow.

"I never thought I'd see something quite that graphic in a place boasting of such heavenly worship."

"What's that, love?"

"That man there," I pointed. "Who is he?"

"The one they call Jesus Christ?" he asked. "Truly, you've never heard of him?"

"I met a man many years ago named Jesus," I replied. "But that surely wasn't him."

He laughed almost too loudly.

"Forgive me, I don't mean to poke fun at you. It's only that I was raised on these stories and it's so strange to find someone who has never heard of them." He paused, though I knew he was not finished. "These teachings, these things I am about to tell you-well, they were forced upon me from birth. And because of this, I don't much care for any of it. I find it all dull and hypocritical."

I nodded and smiled, but waited for him to tell me who Jesus was.

"He was the son of God," he began. "A young virgin named Mary gave birth to him after an angel had told her God had chosen her. So she birthed the child and raised him well. But when he grew older he spoke freely that he was the son of God and told the people of God's plans. But you see, at that time, there were a group of men who believed Jesus was a liar. The accused him of blasphemy and sentenced him to death. But he had known his entire life that this was his purpose, to die on a cross."

"Why did he not flee?" I interrupted.

"I'm getting to that," he assured me.

"You see, before this time, sinful men were given no forgiveness or refuge, eternally sentenced to a life in Hell after death. So Jesus was born of God and lived a perfect life, sacrificing himself for all mankind so that we all now can be forgiven and receive salvation.

"So they crucified him and he died for three days."

"How was it only three?" I asked, baffled.

"He went to Hell for three days, but was then risen by God and taken back up into Heaven."

The story was finished, I could tell.

"That's really very beautiful, Jasper," I said when he was finished.

"Yes," he agreed. "If only salvation like that were true."

"You don't believe it?" I asked, confused by the enthusiasm he had just had.

He shook his head. "It's just a story, Alice."

"But what of salvation and forgiveness of sins?" I asked, glancing back at the scarlet curtains.

"It's a fairy tale," he replied matter-of-factly.

"And what of God?"

"Perhaps there is one. But if man was made in God's image, who created us? And whomever that was, wouldn't they then be considered our God?"

He left the question open as if I could really answer it.

"And if there is one, could you ever believe in a salvation great enough to forgive what we've done?"

There answer was yes, yes I could. And I wanted to. My heart longed for some merciful forgiveness from a creditable source so that all I had done could be washed away.

But his argument had clearly ended the subject.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Loves, it's truly been too long. I don't have a great excuse other than the fact that I'm currently in my school play, so it is hectic, hectic, hectic. Now, you would think with all this time I'd be able to offer up more than this short and awfully confusing chapter. Sadly, I don't. I have A LOT of material written right now, but all of it is upcoming and you'll be reading it SOON. To preface this chapter... well, it's probably the most bizarre, off the wall chapter in this fanfiction. All I will say is that 1) this is where I definately started to take some liberties as a fanfiction author and 2) Alice remembers something from her past life. A lot of it is written very strangely and abstractly, so I hope you guys don't get too lost of feel like I came back into the game with the weirdest chapter ever. I PROMISE we'll have some good times to come, and the story will find it's way back to normality after this. I just needed to find some kind of kick that would give a spice and a side plot to the fanfiction I love so much. REVIEW and be BRUTAL if you must. Much love guys, and again, sorry for the neglect :P

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"Let's go to a picture show," Jasper said with his charming grin.

We'd made it up to northern California within the week, all the while keeping a steady pace. But I could feel Jasper growing curiously hesitant. It was as if rather than making advances towards our future family he'd prefer to hold off the meeting even longer. He was constantly longing to spend weekends at nearly every motel we passed up. He told me of places close by he longed to visit as if he were some kind of tourist. It was strange.

"You haven't gotten cold feet, have you?" I joked.

He shook his head but acted as if I'd made no suggestion of the sort.

"I just want to do something fun with you; something that normal couples do. Don't you sometimes want to slow down, love?"

I laughed a little. "We _have_ been moving slowly, my love," I said softly. "And what's all this about being normal?" I held his hand in my own tightly and ran my index finger along it, waiting for him to reply. It wasn't like him to want normality.

He shrugged and looked away insecurely.

"Oh, come now. What's this? Love, what's the matter?" I raised my free hand up to his face and turned it back toward me. My eyes became as soft as they could and peered back into his with absolute understanding.

"Are you unsure if all this? Is that it?" I hated to think he was uncomfortable with the situation I'd grown so accustomed to, but I'd rearrange anything for him.

"Have you figured out anything more about where we're headed?" he asked, off topic.

Though I didn't like him changing the subject, I diligently answered.

"Yes. They're in Forks, Washington. I heard Carlisle talking about it just the other day with a co-worker. It was a rather lucky break."

He nodded grimly and sort of frowned.

"Tell me what's on your mind," I pleaded.

He didn't speak immediately. He just looked all around him as if he could elude my prodding. I didn't want to press the situation any more than I had to, but curiosity and concern consumed me.

"We'll be in Washington soon," he finally sighed. "And I've only just begun to realize we've a very small amount of time left. I want to use it up as best we can. I just want to do simple things with you, darling; things we'll look back on years from now and think fondly of. Like that dance. Can't we just slow down? Just one picture show and a good drink?"

He was so beautiful, truly. The way he looked at me was impossible, just impossible. I didn't think a man like him could exist; much less an immortal that I could so thoroughly feel compelled to please. His eyes were sad as he seemed to beg now.

It was a kind of battle as we just looked at one another, me wanting to soldier on and him wanting to stop once more.

"Just for tonight?" I asked.

"Just one night, that's all. We can move on tomorrow without another stop between us and Forks."

I bit my lip in consideration, though I knew I'd already said yes in my head.

"Alright," I said, surrendering.

He kissed me suddenly, passionately.

"Thank you," he breathed, pleased with himself that he had convinced me.

"It's no favor," I smiled. "You're sure you'll be alright with all those humans around?"

"I'm no leper, love," he laughed. "I can handle it."

"Well, we'll want to sit in the back, I suppose?"

He shrugged and ran his fingers through my hair, all earlier signs of uncertainty vanishing. He was so enveloped in my nearness that I briefly wondered if he'd heard me.

"Sure," he finally answered. "I won't be watching it anyhow."

"Whatever are we going to a pictures show for then?" I laughed but wasn't as frustrated as my comment sounded.

He shook his head and smiled sincerely. Placing his hand over my mouth, he gestured as though he were silencing me. Then he just chuckled and shook his head.

"You ask too many silly questions, darling."

I shook my head just as he had.

"I'm in love with such a peculiar man."

He chuckled once more and then offered his arm to me and escorted me to the picture show.

It was something about a girl who was very sick inside of her mind. Her parents had kissed her good bye and left her in the care of doctors who said they would help her and bring her back to who she once was before she became ill. Characters of shape and depth danced across the silver screen in grays and blacks and whites, delivering lines, shaking their heads inside a place of little color. They talked to the girl and tried to reason with her. They asked questions and smiled at her, and fed her well. And she just laughed at them oddly. Language so eloquently spoken, scientific phrases, faces, lips moving in peculiar ways. It was disturbing.

I didn't want to care anymore after a while. It tugged at me, at some part inside of me that didn't make sense. It was as if there was someone buried in me who I didn't know that liked this strange story; they liked the darkness and the sickness. It was so disturbing.

The feature finished within an hour or two, and we made our way out into the darkness of night, hands held securely in one another's.

"You're awfully quiet," Jasper said, kissing my cheek. "That's not like you."

I shrugged, now put in a rather distant and unsure place

"Alice," he said after some moments of silence. "Won't you talk to me?"

Again, I shrugged. It was so odd; I had never felt so hollow inside.

More silence passed between us, and now Jasper was concerned.

"Hey," he said too loudly.

I turned to look at him, at his eyes; it was the first time since we'd entered the theatre. His face was creased in worry, plagued with anxiety and concern.

"Alice-love, you're worrying me. Did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head and worked up a weak smile in my deep state.

"No, you've done nothing wrong, Jasper. I promise you that."

The anguish did not leave his face as I assumed it would - it deepened. And perhaps that meant he was out of guesses, he was at the end of his rope.

He sighed heavily, letting go of my hand and walking a few paces ahead of me.

"What was that for?" I asked. I wasn't accusing him, I just didn't like when he left me like that.

"Well, I figure perhaps you wanted to be alone. You won't speak to me after all."

"I just did," I said smartly. "I'm talking to you right now."

He turned around and didn't laugh.

"You know that's not what I mean."

I shrugged. It was becoming more and more of a natural response.

He walked back over to me and put his forehead up against mine.

"Love of mine," he whispered sweetly. "Let me in."

_Let me in, let me in, let me in, _the voice said. _Let me in._

I collapsed; it felt like slow motion. Jasper was there to catch me, but the voice drowned him out, drowned everything out. But this wasn't a vision. It was a memory.

I was on the ground, on my hands and knees, searching. I was crying, I was sobbing, screaming. My fingers traveling over the pavement, scratched at his, dug into it. My granite palms came down on it and pushed at it.

"Let me in, let me in, let me in," I cried, channeling this voice in my head that wouldn't leave me alone.

I could hear Jasper through the fog. He said my name, yelled it out. He shook me and held me and tried to quiet me. It was no use.

_Let me in, let me in._

She was someone I didn't know, yet someone I'd known my whole life. She was someone I'd locked away for years and years and years. She was dead now, gone with my humanity. She had friends who had died with her. Now there was just this memory. Her voice that begged to be let in, begged to be heard. She wanted control, she wanted security. But paranoia, hate, suspicion, everything; it cut her up. And then she died, and I was born new, and she was gone.

When I came out of my crying, came out of the fog that her memory held over me, I was quiet. I just kept looking out into the night, and Jasper just held me and said my name over and over in whispers, begging me to let him in.

"Jasper," I said in a broken voice.

He held me away from him suddenly to examine my face, to see if I was all better. Apparently he had found some evidence that proved my normality had returned, and then he held me against him once again and kissed the crown of my head and my cheeks.

"Oh, Alice, what happened? Honey, I-I don't understand. I was so scared. You just…you broke down and left me. You broke. It was like…you weren't _you._" He was talking quickly into my hair and kissing me between words.

"Jasper, listen," I said quietly.

He stopped kissing me and pulled his head away to look into my eyes.

"What is it, love?"

I swallowed hard and looked him plainly in the eyes before continuing.

"I know who I was. I know what was wrong with me."

He looked confused and then spoke. "I thought you couldn't remember."

"I can't. But I remembered some of it, just now."

He didn't speak. He just stared and me and waited.

"I was sick, Jasper," I said in a whisper.

"I don't understand," he replied. "Sick?"

I took a deep breath and then spoke.

"Jasper, I was Schizophrenic."


	12. Chapter Twelve

It's about time, isn't it, lovlies? I'm so sorry it's taken this long to update. I really feel a strong come back taking place, though. I hope you haven't lost faith in me just yet, I have so much more to add to this beautiful story I started. Feedback is always welcome and I do hope you thoroughly enjoy CHAPTER 12! Woo-hoo!

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"Schizophrenic?" he asked, his eyes filled with confusion.

I nodded, still reeling at the revelation. "I can't explain it," I said, shaking my head. "It was like there was someone else inside of me; it was crowded."

He tightened his arm around me at the mention of the idea-the idea of a problem that he could not fix.

"But that couldn't be," he said, his voice still tense and anxious. "It's impossible."

"I know. I don't believe there's anything wrong with me now, love. I just…" I trailed off.

On the bright side of it all-if there was one-I'd remember something; I had actually remembered. Even if it was something dark and frightening, it was something. And it gave me hope. I could feel my past on the fringes, still far off yet closer than before, and I smiled at this.

Jasper eyed me curiously, the corners of his lips turning up slightly though his brow was still heavy.

"This is hardly the time for joking love. You were convulsing on the pavement not three minutes ago."

I gave a small laugh and look at him excitedly. This only produced more confusion in his eyes.

"Don't you realize? I remembered something from my past; I'm starting to find out who I am."

He didn't react how I'd expected him to, excited and understanding. He just looked on at me, into my eyes and into my soul, seeing what I never fathomed he could. His eyes were passively piercing, taunting me.

"Alice," he finally breathed, his nose nearly touching the tip of my own. "You're the most divine being to have ever walked this earth, and if ever I had faith in a god, his greatest masterpiece would be you." He kissed me softly and then smiled. "If remembering your past brings you great joy, I will share in it. But I could live the rest of forever and never long to know who you once were, because I already know."

"Do you?" I asked.

He nodded. "You were what you are now, what you'll always be: the absolute love of my life." His arm was still around my waist, and he raised the other to replace a piece of hair that had been disheveled. "Isn't that right?" he asked.

I just nodded and smiled real wide at him. Suddenly that frightening memory wasn't so frightening, and the determination to seek out my past melted away under his gaze. The longing was still there, yes. But it would never change how we felt about one another.

"Thank you, darling," I said. "You always know what to say."

"I just speak what I think and hope it's enough," he replied, kissing my forehead.

We kept up walking through the night as I kept an eye on the Cullens. Truthfully I wanted to focus on any memories I could locate, but it's standing on the list of our priorities was not favorable.

Sometime during our walk, a vision came, less aggressive than it was heartbreaking.

"_Carlisle, I'm begging you. Let this go!"_

_Edward was standing still in the middle of his room, hands hanging limp at his sides._

"_We're worried about you, your mother and I. We just don't think this is healthy."_

"_What exactly does 'this' refer to?" he retorted. _

"_This brooding you do! This being alone all the time; it's heartbreaking, Edward." Carlisle's face was torn as he looked into the eyes of his adopted son, his beloved first son._

_Edward's face was hard, chiseled from stone. The look in his eyes was not one to be shared with a father, but rather a close comrade. It was painful._

_Finally he spoke, beaten and discouraged. "You and Esme have done quite enough for me already, and I'm forever grateful to you both. But your attempts at matchmaking are hardly necessary. It didn't work out with Rosalie; it won't work out with Tanya. Let it go."_

_Carlisle persisted. "Who then?"_

_Edward's cool and calculated mask slipped from his face, the shards falling to pieces at his feet; enveloped in loneliness and fear and frustration, he couldn't hide any longer._

"_I don't know!" he roared. "If I did, do you think I'd have spent all this time alone? My God, Carlisle! Let it go, there'll never be an immortal out there for me. I'm just…" He lost his fire then and stared at the floor. "I'm just broken," he whispered faintly. "Leave me be."_

_Then he turned toward the window and passed through, a ghost into the night._

Jasper sensed my sadness.

"Love," he said, less concerned than curious. "What is it?"

I was quiet for a moment as I watched Edward sit out in the trees alone, so alone.

"He's hurting," I sighed. "Edward hasn't anyone to love. It saddens me to see him so alone and afraid."

Jasper just nodded.

"Carlisle and Esme insist it's time, but emotions aren't reciprocated on his part. He thinks he'll always be alone."

Jasper shook his head. "I don't know my brother yet, but I know he'll find love. If _I_ could, it can't be as impossible as he thinks." He winked at me.

We moved on until the horizon began to brighten, the sun only an hour or so in the distance and our feet place firmly on Oregon soil.

"Well," Jasper breathed. "Almost there." He was beaming.

We were just on the outskirts of Portland, and it came time to decide whether or not we would rest or continue on.

"The brush is dense enough to keep our skin out of sight," he mused.

I nodded. It was an appealing idea, I could admit.

Just then, a sound in the proximity pierced the morning air. We froze simultaneously and locked eyes with one another. It was no animal, but it wasn't one of us either. The scent of blood was potent, but it hadn't broken skin.

I came to Jasper's side immediately; I'd keep him from another mistake, even if it meant fighting him to do it. One was exponentially less painful than the other.

"Steady, Jazz," I whispered. As far as I could tell he was set in his ways; set to avoid murder at all costs.

"Who's out there?" I called.

Almost immediately a tall, square-shouldered man emerged from the trees, still as the woods themselves. His hand was folded tightly around something I could not quite make out, the skin stretched like tanning hide, the knuckles as white as snow.

"Friend or foe?" he asked suddenly. His Parisian accent was thick and deep.

"Friend," Jasper replied surely.

He nodded sharply, but his hand seemed to relax.

"So, I am to understand you won't be killing me then?" he asked.

I fought to keep my eyes from widening at this question; this question that was more necessary than he may have known.

"Of course not," I answered, appalled.

"Good. Follow me then, please." And then, without another word, he turned back the way he'd come, expecting us to trail behind.

As we shuffled forward, Jasper eyed me with a kind of distress.

"Does he know?" he whispered, much too quiet for the man to hear.

I shrugged. "How could he?"

We went on like that for sometime, debating the possibility of this man's knowledge of our kind, frightened by the idea somehow.

He came to an eventual stop at the base of a tree, and with a slight push on its trunk, a door appeared quite prominently.

He turned and smile. "Nontraditional."

We stepped inside the curious abode and came immediately to a staircase descending deeper into the ground. I wondered how the human saw in such blackness as we took step after step, but he seemed to know ever stair quite well. It went on for quite some time, this decent. I held Jasper's hand firmly in my own, not out of fear, but out of moral support. Finally, after the air had cooled considerably around us, we came to yet another door at the base of the staircase. He opened it with a turn of the knob, and there before us lie the unbelievable.

Behind the door was a house, a home; sitting there with furniture and rugs and quaint coffee tables. Warm light cast itself all around us, gas lamp after gas lamp lighting the entire room we stood in. I could smell soup on some stove I could not yet see, and it all reminded me of human things and human traditions. It was wonderful.

"Lydia," the man called, setting down the object he had been holding. It was an extremely curious looking dagger. "Ma cherie! You won't believe it when you see!"

Now the man was entirely relaxed, here in his own home with his soup and his furnishings. He didn't have to protect himself here; he could just _be_.

She came from what smelled like the kitchen, an apron tied round her waist and a ladle in her left hand. The very moment she appeared, neither Jasper nor I could believe what we saw.

She was a vampire. Just as sure as day, this being that stood there in her cooking wear was as least bit human as we were.

"Well, look here!" she exclaimed. "Good Heavens, what a treat!"

She rushed forward, setting the ladle down on the dinning room table as she went.

"Crane, Lydia Crane," she beamed, shaking our hands enthusiastically. "It's such a joy to have you both here. We hardly ever get guests of my sort." She laughed.

We stood very still, continuing to marvel at everything around us; the curious house, the odd couple.

"Well, don't be shy!" she urged.

"I'm Alice," I said, smiling as best I could. "And this is Jasper."

"It's a pleasure," she smiled. "This is my husband Gaston." She motioned for him to come closer and he smiled at us genuinely.

"I know you're both confused," Lydia laughed again. "Just come on in and make yourself at home, I'll explain everything while this one eats."


	13. Chapter Thirteen

I might be the worst person in the world, but by golly, I've FINALLY decided to get back into this story with both feet. Please forgive me for neglecting all of you, and for neglecting these great characters. Updates will not continue on a somewhat regular basis. I just want to thank everyone whose read my story so far, and I do hope you've loved it enough at this point to continue indulging in this tale. Hope you like this chapter! There's some twist, and even some elements that are not in any way based in the world of the books. EXCITED (:

P.S. I'd recommend reading over chapter twelve before you read this one, just to remind yourself of where we left off; this chapter picks up right where the last chapter ended.

* * *

"Gaston and I met about twenty years ago in Brussels."

The four of us were seated at a round, wooden table in the center of what appeared to be the dinning room; Gaston ate his soup as Lydia tried to explain what we were seeing. I was working my hardest to feel comfortable with Gaston in the room as he nonchalantly understood what we were, understood every phrase we muttered and ever technicality we addressed. It was against my nature to trust him-to trust a human.

"It was love at first sight, honestly," Lydia began again. "People never believe that, but it can happen unexpectedly to the most skeptical of people." She looked over and Gaston and smiled. He smiled back as if she were the only one in the room, and then returned to eating his soup.

"We fell for one another very suddenly, but we also felt very strongly that love was something to be taken slowly. So we held out our engagement for quite sometime."

"Ten pointless years," Gaston laughed.

Lydia rolled her eyes and waved a hand at him.

"They were ten _lovely _years," she corrected. "Until of course _this _happened," she said, referring to what I could only assume was her immortality.

"I was headed home from busing tables one evening; Gaston and I were going to order dinner in. I remember only a few things about that night-the smell of the frigid autumn air, the soft breeze that bit at my fingers and my ears.

"Out of the darkness, a figure came towards me so quickly; I hardly had time to think. I thought through what I'd been taught to do in the event of an attacker, but it was difficult to think with the fear that held onto me so thoroughly.

"Once he'd reached me, he came to a sudden stop and eyed the streets around us; to his satisfaction and to my dismay, no one else was present."

She blinked a few times at the memory before she looked up at us once more.

"I didn't know what to say, what to do. He was like nothing I'd ever seen before. His eyes were crimson, deep as pools of blood, and the way he looked at me-it chilled me to the core. I was meal, not a human.

"He seized me in his granite arms and drank until he had his fill, leaving me for dead in a dumpster, just like the trash he thought I was. But I hadn't quite passed; my thumper kept on going." She winked and patted her silent heart. "You know the rest of the story well enough, I'm sure."

Jasper spoke first, asking what I couldn't find the confidence to.

"How is it that you managed to stay together through such a drastic transition?"

She sighed. "I went missing for nearly a year. Knowing that I had an insatiable thirst, I couldn't return to Gaston until I could be sure I wouldn't hurt him. The poor darling, he did everything he possibly could to find me; flyers, police reports, nightly news. There were so many times I wanted to return and test my limits. But to kill the one I loved? That was reason enough to keep far away from him until I could control my bloodlust."

I finally spoke up and asked a question of my own. "And what of your return? Surely Gaston could not have believed you."

She laughed at a memory neither Jasper nor I could see. "It was a trial, yes. Not only did I have battle the scent of him through every second of it, but I also battled his disbelief.

"You must understand that, for someone who has loved for a whole decade, losing their beloved so suddenly is a pain so unbearable. The agony which my Gaston suffered was far worse than the agony I had. He had gone twelve tormenting months without me, and nearly half of that time he thought me to be dead." She looked at Gaston once more and smiled admiringly at him. He smiled back at her with reassurance, a look in his eyes that told her everything was as it should be now; a look that reminded her that what she spoke of was only a memory.

"After our long separation," she continued, "I came to him on the exact night I had never returned a year prior, praying he had kept our apartment, even in my absence.

"And he had," she smiled. "I found him sleeping on the couch, almost as if I had never left. Yet, there were other signs that spoke of just how much really had changed. The lack of cleanliness, for one," she laughed. "But even the feeling of our home had shifted. It felt darker and weaker than it had before. I could almost feel his sadness seeping from the walls and floorboards. It nearly broke my still heart in two."

"At first, I thought I might let him sleep and speak to him in the morning. But my patience wore thin in due time, and I soon shook him gently to stir him from his sleep. Even after he woke, however, he believed he was dreaming. It took a great deal of convincing him otherwise, and after that, it took a great deal of convincing him that I was no longer human."

"I was a stubborn one. Always have been," Gaston chimed in, smirking.

"It's true," Lydia said, giving what I was beginning to realize was her signature wink. "At any rate, we decided we could no longer stay in the city, what with my need to hunt non-humans and the impending, unanswerable questions the police, the media and the public would have for me when they discovered I was in fact alive.

"So, that night we planned where we'd escape to and where we'd make our home. It all took care and thought, but we were ready to face any adversities that stood between us and our ultimate happiness, because we were together and that's all that really mattered."

We sensed the finality of these words; the story had ended.

I sat and stared at them in amazement; so marvelous were these two people so star-crossed and so in love. Yet, in my amazement, I knew that I would not have done anything differently than the way Lydia had done it. Though our love for one another had not yet lasted as long as theirs had, I was so fully and completely enthralled by Jasper, I would have been just as committed to the fight. And I had been, hadn't I?

"Your love for one another is truly inspiring," Jasper smiled earnestly. "Alice and I could learn so much from a couple such as yourselves."

"Thank you," Gaston nodded, appreciative. "But, truthfully, there is nothing heroic about the love we share for one another. It is simply a love that most have lost sight of; it is there for those who seek it."

"We're certainly seeking it," Jasper replied, looking at me then.

I smiled back and kissed the tip of his nose. "Yes we are."

Lydia winked yet again, then rose from the table and took the dishes to the kitchen.

"How long will you be staying with us?" Gaston asked in her absence.

"Not very long, I'm afraid," I answered. "We're headed to a clan up in the northwest, hoping to find a new beginning there."

"That's nice; I wish you the best of luck. New beginnings are a beautiful thing," he replied, gesturing to the walls around him. "I'll show you two to your room."

"Oh," I sighed, "We don't want to impose; I'm sure we'll find a motel within a few miles."

"Nonsense!" Lydia laughed, returning from the kitchen. "It would be an honor to host you two. After all, your time here has an expiration date; stay for the night at least."

Jasper and I looked at each other, silently consulting with one another. After a second or two of wordlessness, we agreed an evening's rest with new friends would do us some good.

"We'll stay," I confirmed, smiling.

"Fantastic!" Gaston exclaimed. "Right this way, I'll show you to your room."

Upon walking deeper and deeper into the bowels of their underground haven, I realized that the abode was much larger than I had been led to believe-three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a library.

"Here we are," Gaston said, turning opening the door at the end of the hall.

It was positively quant, especially in the lighting of the gas lanterns that surrounded the room. The bed wasn't explicitly large, but it would do just fine for settling in and resting, and the bookshelf beside the bed housed Shakespeare's best and Steinbeck's greatest.

"Small, I know," Gaston continued. "But my wife and I rather enjoy the cozy spaces."

"Oh, it's perfect," Jasper chimed in. "Really beautiful."

"Thank you."

Jasper nodded and stepped through the doorway to inspect the space further.

"You two just settle in for now; Lydia will be by with some tonic in a while."

"Tonic?" I asked.

Gaston nodded, "Yes, of course, tonic. My wife's pride and joy. It can only put a vampire down for a few hours, but she swears it's the best sleep she's ever had, including her human life experience."

"Sleep?" I half asked, half exclaimed. "You mean to tell me she sleeps? Every night?"

He nodded. "She even dreams."

"How is that possible?" Jasper questioned, just as confused as I was.

"My friends," he smiled. "There is more mystery in this world that simple vampires. Have you gone on all this time believing that you're the only wonder on the planet?"

"I suppose we have," Jasper confirmed.

"Like I said," Gaston laughed. "Lydia will be by in a bit with your tonic. I'll see you all in the morning." With that, he shut the door behind him and went the way we'd come.

I could have cried from happiness. "Sleep!" I laughed. "Sleep! Can you believe it?"

"Hardly," Jasper laughed with me. He leaned down and kissed my forehead sweetly. "Tonight, we sleep and dream and wonder, right here and now."

I kissed his nose and wrapped my arms around him in an embrace that I wish could have lasted forever.

Just then a knock interrupted our tender moment.

"Love birds, is it safe to come in?" Lydia asked.

"Positively," I answered with another laugh.

She cranked the door open and brought in two small apothecary jars, offering them to the both of us.

"Here's the tonic Gaston promised."

"I can't hardly believe it," I muttered. "Does it really put us down?"

"Like a lazy dog," she replied.

My smile spread even further across my lips as I reached for the jar and uncorked it. The smell already made my eyes droop as it filled my dead lungs with peace and tranquility.

"Forgive me," Lydia said suddenly. "This batch is a bit stronger than usual; we should all be able to sleep through the night."

Jasper thanked her and informed her that an apology wasn't needed in the slightest.

"Lydia, what exactly is this tonic made of, if I may inquire?"

"Venom and bone marrow-the marrow of a vampire, that is. The science has always alluded me, but after numerous trials and errors, this was the batch that stuck. I could hardly care about the science though-sleep is a beautiful thing after so many years of restlessness."

"That it is," I concurred.

Lydia nodded and reached for my hand. "Bless your hearts," she crooned. "Sweet dreams." With that, she turned around and vanished from the room.

There was silence for an immeasurable amount of time; we held our tonic and stared at one another, as if to confirm that neither one of us was crazy-this was really, truly going to happen. For the first time in my immortal life, I would dream. And I would dream about the love of my life.

"Are you ready for this?" Jasper asked me, sincerely making sure that this was something I wanted to do.

"I'm ready to fall asleep with you, yes."

"Fantastic," he smirked, that southern smile sending a thrill down my spine.

That night, I dreamt of the sun and the moon and and the stars, particularly my star, my Jasper. We walked along the crust of the earth and swam with the fish of the black deep, and I loved my star all the while. All the while I danced on light and laughed in the rain and held one another's hands and felt the force of life that we had not felt since we'd died and come back as aliens to our world.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Dear Reader,

I wonder how many times I'll have to apologize to you before I finally start updating this story more frequently. Alas, as my gift to you, I give you two chapters, instead of one. Without giving too much away, these next couple chapters will give you a chance to peek into Alice's past a little. In your reviews, however, please help me decide the following: Alice and Jasper are getting really close to the Cullens; would you like to see the story continue after they've settled in there, or do you think I should just end it? I have ideas to go either way, but perhaps knowing that my readers want to hear more will inspire me to continue. So, let me know(; Thanks for hanging in there all of this time. It's been a long journey, but I've really enjoyed painting this world for not only myself, but for you as well. Enjoy Chapters Fourteen and Fifteen, and don't forget to review!

Much love,  
bambi-doe3

* * *

Waking up for the second time as an immortal was an absolutely indescribable experience. The dust in the air moved differently than it had before and colors seemed even brighter and fuller. Sounds were cleaner, scents were deeper; it had never felt so good to be dead. I felt my granite limbs twist and stretch, roll and move.; from the tips of my toes to the crown of my head I was newer and better than I had felt in a long time.

Shortly after I had stirred, I turned my head and smiled over at my still sleeping Jasper, whose breaths were even and tranquil. His brow, uncreased by emotion, was smooth, which was a welcoming sight after all of the trials and tribulations we had faced thus far.

Slowly, I leaned over and planted a kiss on his forehead, running my fingers through his hair briefly before letting them travel the planes of his face playfully. I had half a mind to wake him right then and there, but recalling the magnificence of the sleep I had just aroused from, I couldn't bear to take a minute from him (even if it did mean staring into his bronze eyes).

So, after abiding by every ounce of self-control within me, I planted a final kiss on his forehead and leapt down from the bed, moseying out to the dinning room finally. Though there were no celestial signs indicating the arrival of morning due to the fact that we were deep underground, I picked up the scent of hot tea and freshly baked pastries, which I could only presume to be Gaston's breakfast.

"Bonjour!" Gaston exclaimed, leaning over a plate of cinnamon rolls and toast. "Did you sleep well?"

"Better than ever," I nodded, stilly hardly believing that I was answering his question at all. "It was the best sleep I've ever had."

"What did I tell you?" Lydia laughed upon entering the dinning room, a cup of hot tea in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

I smiled happily, though curiosity took over shortly afterward. "Is that the newspaper?"

"Yes," Lydia replied, setting both the tea and the paper down in front of Gaston. "You forget my love is still human; he likes to keep up with the times." She gave a signature wink. "Is Jasper still asleep?"

I nodded. "Your batch must've been too strong for him; he's probably still stumbling through a dream land," I laughed.

"Hardly, love."

I turned around to see Jasper shuffling down the hallway, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to groom his sleep-tossed locks.

"Good morning," I said softly, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning to you, too," he replied in that special southern drawl, sending my stomach fluttering in a way only he knew how.

"Breakfast is upstairs for us when you two are ready," Lydia cut in then.

"Breakfast?" Jasper asked.

"Of course! I wouldn't have my two favorite house guests leave with empty stomachs. I tried sincerely to find bears this morning but they just didn't seem to be out; we'll have to make do with deer."

I waved away her disappointment. "Deer sounds perfect!"

"It certainly does," Jasper agreed. "Shall we?"

Even blood tasted better after a good night's sleep. With each swallow I could feel myself growing stronger, feel the crimson rush through my dry veins, so thoroughly satisfied by every little thing. The deer were still warm, which meant that we must've just woken up when Lydia had returned with the hunt and begun to cook Gaston's breakfast. There was plenty of drink to go around for the three of us, and by the time we were finished filling up entirely, there was still one deer left.

"Lydia, we can't thank you enough. The tonic, hunting for our breakfast; you've been the best hostess," I said, trying my best to show how grateful I truly was.

"Don't mention it," she replied. "It's been such a pleasure having the both of you here, even for a short while. I know it's meant a lot to Gaston as well. He fears that I'm not around those of my kind enough, and that I might resent him for that. I don't, of course, but it can be hard sometimes. He values each and every bit of time I'm able to spend with other vampires in hopes that I won't feel so alone. Though he only likes the good ones," she chuckled.

I decided suddenly that now was as good a time as ever to ask about Gaston's mortality. They'd been together more than a decade, yet it seemed almost natural that he was human; as if the thought had never crossed his mind that he might want to be with her forever now that it was a possibility.

"Lydia, I hope you don't mind me asking this, but, I was just wondering about Gaston…"

She nodded, immediately understanding where I was going. "It's just not what he wants right now. And who am I to pressure him?"

"Well," I replied, "quite frankly, you're his wife. Don't you have a bit of a say?"

She shrugged. "I suppose. But it's a big cross to carry, Alice. I'd be asking him to trade a life of stability and reason for chaos and irrational thirst. Honestly, it's not something I can ask of him; he has to want to give it to me."

Jasper nodded understandingly. "That makes sense. Have you two discussed it?"

"Endlessly," she chuckled, beginning to drag the deer carcasses into the nearby underbrush. "I think we're really at the point now where all we can stand to do is enjoy every minute of being together. Forever can wait while today is here, don't you think?"

And that was all that needed to be said; she was perfectly correct. As long as they were together today, impending immortality could wait until they were ready to discuss it fully. For now, being in love for as long as they both lived was enough, even if Lydia was bound to outlive Gaston at this point in time.

Silently, I was thankful that mortality wasn't a schism Jasper and I would ever encounter. By deciding, perhaps indirectly, to be with one another for the rest of our lives, we were deciding to spend the rest of eternity together. The thought was something I couldn't dwell on for too long, lest I get overwhelmed. But it was also a thought that brought me great, unspeakable joy.

"As long as we're talking about Gaston, though," Jasper continued. "I was also wondering about something: that dagger he had yesterday-did he really suppose it would do us any harm?"

Lydia smiled mischievously. "Oh, it would have."

Jasper and I looked at each other then, hardly believing that there was even more mysticism in this world. The tonic was enough to exceed our expectations. But a weapon capable of wounding a vampire? It seemed even more impossible than a sleep serum.

"I fashioned the dagger myself out of vampire bone. While wielding it proves to be quite a task for mortals, one jab in the right spot can put a vampire down long enough for someone like Gaston to get away."

"You've trained him well," I said approvingly. "Something like that makes so much sense but I would have never thought of it."

She shrugged modestly. "It took several attempts, but since I've perfected it, it's proved to be useful once or twice."

I didn't want to ask when or how; that seemed like it might be too painful and private. All that matter was that it had saved the love of Lydia's life.

She smiled at another memory neither Jasper nor I could see, and then pulled the last deer away before waving us to begin our decent back down into their hidden home one final time.

Saying farewell was harder than I had anticipated. Even having spent less than 24 hours with them, I felt as if I was leaving a piece of family behind. However, they expressed that they couldn't wait for our next visit, which we promised would be soon. And it would be, I'd make sure of that.

"You travel safe," Lydia said, as if she were a mother. "And tell the Cullens that there is hope in our world; there are those of us who can be decent beings if we try."

I nodded and took her into my arms-one final embrace. "I will," I whispered, suddenly overcome by the words she said. "The both of us will tell your story proudly."

She pulled away and gave me yet another signature wink-the promise of many more to come in the future. I winked back and turned to Gaston. "You keep taking care of her, monsieur."

"Oh, cherie, you know I will," he grinned, hugging me. "She is my whole life."

"Good," I grinned back.

Jasper followed the same path with his farewells, first Lydia then Gaston.

However, when Lydia brought him in for an embrace, she quickly whispered something into his ear; she was careful to keep her voice so low that even I could not hear it. He nodded and smiled at her, parting with the words, "I promise."

Afterward, his farewell with Gaston was just as heartfelt, though filled with much more laughter and joking.

Finally, with many additional hugs and kisses, Jasper and I made the long ascent upward and into the light of day, intent on making this the last leg of our journey.

"I'll miss them," he said.

"Me too," I concurred, trying hard not to think of how badly I _would_ indeed miss them.

He took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "I think I really needed that."

I looked over at him as we began to walk, questions in my eyes.

"I needed to see that control exists in our world," he explained. "I know that it does, of course; if it didn't we wouldn't be on this journey in the first place. But," he paused, shaking his head. "It's hard not being able to see it as clearly as you do. You live with constant sneak peeks, you know? You can _see_ that it's real anytime you wish. But me? I've been hanging on all this time, waiting to actually witness it." He looked over at me with a mild smile. "I'm so pleased I was able to preview it here."

For a moment then I imagined the reality that Jasper had lived in thus far on our journey together. Here I was, just a stranger in the beginning, walking into a diner and telling him that there was a whole future for him that he knew nothing about. I'd asked him to give up all that he'd known, all the bloodlust and the familiarity, just so that he could waltz into uncertainty with _me_, a broken, crazy girl. All the while, for all he knew, I'd been telling him a myth about tame immortal murderers; I'd been telling him something that only _I_ was certain of up until this point. For the first time, I realized just how much he trusted me, and it felt so fine.

"You're a wonder," I whispered, taking him off guard, I was sure. Then again, he understood better than anyone how quickly my thoughts were prone to change.

He chuckled a bit. "Am I?"

"Yes," I breathed, wrapping my arms around him and hugging him close.

"Where's all this coming from?" he asked me, stroking my hair. We had barely made it a quarter mile from Lydia and Gaston's.

I rested my head on the plain of his chest and closed my eyes. "I hardly know. Sometimes it just takes me by surprise how utterly magnificent you are. So loving, so trusting."

"Right," he muttered. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "I kill an innocent girl, slow you down by bolting to Texas, unearth the darkest skeletons of my past and expect you to revel in them, and then ask you to be with me as if I deserve you." He laughed a little, which I was surprised by since he was bringing up every sensitive issue we'd encountered so far. "I'm perfect, aren't I?"

I pulled away from him and met his eyes with mine. "I'll never make you see, will I?" I smiled but he knew how perfectly serious I was being. "I'll never be able to make you see just how lovely you are, even with all of your faults." I thought of words, then. I tried to think of words that would help him believe me, words that would help him see that all the things he had done were only mistakes; they were mistakes that could be made up, fixed, and forgotten.

And then, as if divinely granted, the word came to me.

"_Forgive_ yourself, Jasper," I whispered.

All the playfulness left him as he measured the gravity and sincerity of my words. I half thought he might become angry with me; I thought he'd assure me that I was asking him to do the impossible and that it was foolish of me to even suppose he could.

Instead, he just pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. "How?"

A small, short laugh escaped from me then. "Love, I don't know," I admitted. "You can though. I believe in you."

There was a long sigh from him as he folded his arms around me and laid his head on my shoulder. Silence passed between us for immeasurable moments as I ran my hands over his back and tried to console him. I mustered up as much empathy, understanding and love as I could so that it would be impossible for him to miss the emotions that rolled off of me. Perhaps knowing that I was there for him so certainly would help him move forward. Maybe, as long as he could remember the future that he held in his arms, he could let go of the past.

Finally, he spoke. "Okay."

"Okay?" I asked, smiling uncontrollably.

"Okay," he repeated. "I'll try."

"Ah, ah," I stopped him. "You _will_."

He laughed, and then corrected himself. "I will."

I pulled away and kissed him slowly and softly. "Good."

I felt him smile as he kissed me back, his soft hands stroking my temples. "Thank you, goddess Divine."

I giggled. "That's a new one. I rather like it."

"Good," he whispered, running his nose along my collarbone. "I rather like it too."

The air around us changed as I remembered the hunger from before, the hunger that turned beneath our skin like lava beneath the earth. The longer he remained so close to me, the harder it was to focus on anything else.

It was only when his lips neared my no longer beating pulse-point that I froze completely, stripped from my remembering. It wasn't as if he hadn't done it before, but it certainly hadn't carried as much implication as it did now.

He pulled away immediately, his hands no longer holding any part of me.

"That was…" he trailed off. "I am _so_ sorry."

I shook my head and laughed lightly. "Don't be. It's just…"

He didn't even dare to look at me as I struggled with my words.

"It's all very foreign to me, Jasper."

He nodded shortly, probably listening to nothing I said. The self-resentment was evident on his face.

"Hey, we were having a nice moment there; don't ruin it." I took his chin in my hands and made him look at me. "It's a bridge we'll cross when we get there. You don't need to feel badly about anything."

"I know," he mumbled. "I just shouldn't have done that. It was rash and…" he groaned angrily when he could't find the words to finish his sentence.

"Well, what do you expect? We're rash little creatures, darling. It's okay, really, it is."

He shook his head, finally looking into my eyes willingly. "It isn't, Alice." It was very quiet as we began beating around a bush that I had not intended to consider for quite some time.

"I want to wait," he said finally.

He didn't have to tell me what it was he wanted to wait for. I knew. But the reason escaped me.

"Wait for what?" I asked.

"Until we're tied together in every single way possible, alright?" His eyes were sincere and serious.

My mind traveled a million miles a minute as I realized what he was saying. _Marriage_.

"Oh," I breathed.

Marriage was something I had only dreamed of since becoming a vampire. I honestly assumed that no other immortal thought it was as important as I did. After all, we could live forever; what was the point of mortal traditions? Then again, perhaps living forever gave us all the more reason to make a vow to each other; there was so much more intensity and love in pledging your eternity to someone else, as apposed to fifty or sixty years.

"Unless," he began, unsure.

"No, no," I stopped him. "I agree. I really do."

"You do?" His smile wasn't completely full but it was true.

"I do," I smiled, staring into his eyes. And then I suddenly realized what I'd said and rushed to elaborate. "_Agree_, I mean! I do agree."

He laughed at my embarrassment, as if telling me it was completely unwarranted.

"I'm glad we can agree on something that important," he said, taking me into his arms again. It felt nice to slip back into ourselves and out of the awkwardness.

"Me too."

I suddenly realized that we'd made absolutely no progress. We could have turned around in no time and spent another day with Lydia and Gaston if we wished. I laughed.

"We should get going if we want to make it to the Cullens tonight," I said, pulling away but taking his hand in mine.

"Yes, ma'am," he winked.

Moving ahead was so natural. As we always had, we talked endlessly about anything and everything. Never letting go of one another's hands, we sometimes ran, sometimes bounded, but mostly walked through the lush greenery, hiding our shinning skin from the world around us.

After a while, I began to poke fun at him.

"So, darling," I began. "Are there anymore Marias I should know about?"

He rolled his eyes but he wasn't serious. "What does it matter to you, beloved one?"

I shrugged, carrying on with our playful conversation. "I just think that the woman you're intending to spend eternity with deserves to know about any other jealous ex-girlfriends."

He grimaced, playing along completely now. "Well, there was this one girl," he sighed. "Her name was Olivia; she was just the prettiest dame in the county."

"Oh?" I glared, still acting.

"Of course," he continued, "I was five years old and she was my twenty-one year old nanny. It would never have worked between us."

I laughed and kissed his cheek. "You're a funny one, darling."

He shrugged and leaned into my kiss. "I try."

It wasn't long before he turned the question around on me, though it wasn't playful anymore. He really was wondering if there had ever been any other men in my life. At this point I was sure he was confident enough in our relationship to take whatever I said in stride. But it still felt weird beginning this discussion. I owed him an answer, though.

"There was Luken," I began.

Jasper's face was completely placid and level as I continued, so I knew that this conversation would leave us right where we had begun it: completely unhindered by the past.

"We met shortly after I was turned. We were just sort of forced into companionship with one another; loneliness does that to creatures like us. We were both still feeding on humans at the time, though I had already begun to develop a conscience.

"I think we wanted really badly to love each other, especially after how long we'd been traveling together aimlessly."

"How long?" Jasper asked.

I bit my lip, wondering if I'd have to pay for the answer. "Just up until last year sometime."

"Wow," he replied. He was amazed, not hurt.

"Yeah," I laughed a little. "But even after fifty years of being the closest of friends, we knew that things would never work between us. At least, we became entirely sure of that shortly before we parted ways a year ago."

"What made you leave one another?"

I shrugged. "We were in love with different people. We just didn't know it yet."

His eyes had questions in them again.

"Luken and I share a gift. Just as I can see into the future, he can do the same. About a year ago, he began to see visions of an immortal named Pauline. And he knew right then and there that that was who he'd been searching for. He loved me in his own way, but we knew we weren't meant for one another."

"And who did you see?" he asked, genuinely curious, no jealousy in the question. I was surprised that he hadn't put it together in his head yet. How could he believe that there was not only one other man, but two?

I laughed. "Jasper, it was you."

His smile was untamable. "What?"

I laughed even louder. "Yes, you silly thing. That's when I'd decided to come find you."

"You mean to tell me you'd been searching for me for nearly a year before we even met?"

I shrugged. "Not the whole time, no. It took a great deal of time to work up the courage to actually find you. But, be it fate or some other divine power, I knew that I couldn't go on pretending to love Luken if I was having visions of you. I knew that you were supposed to be someone important, and it was moot trying to ignore that."

"So how long were you actually searching for me before you finally found me?"

I bit my lip again, wondering what he'd think. He wouldn't pass judgment, I knew that. But he might think I was a bit of a creepy girl.

"Six months, maybe," I replied finally. "Even after all this time I'm not particularly gifted. It took a while to pinpoint where you were."

He shook his head and looked at me the way he did when he was absolutely enamored and amazed.

"What?" I asked.

"I think I should just get used to the fact that you'll be surprising me pleasantly for the rest of eternity. True?"

I laughed. "Maybe."

"I guess I've got a lot of loving to catch up on, then, hm?" His eyes peered into mine sweetly and he gave me a little eskimo kiss with his nose.

I nodded and smiled widely. "I guess you do."

He kissed me and we continued walking.

"How far are we now?" he asked, looking up at the setting sun.

I closed my eyes and saw them in my mind, feeling their presence so near.

"Really close," I answered. "We can't be more than ten miles." Excitement overwhelmed me suddenly.

I opened my eyes and Jasper's face said it all. He was so ready to meet our new family. I thought then of how uncertain we had been at the onset of our journey, just wanting to 'meet them.' Now we were set on staying with them for good. Regardless, it felt nice being resolved and ready.

"We're so close," he smiled. "I can't believe it."

We heard the noise together then. My nose knew it was no mortal; not a drop of blood was near us for miles. I wondered then if it might be one of the Cullens. My wonder, however, was answered when he emerged from the brush, as if summoned by the story I had just told Jasper.

"Luken?"


	15. Chapter Fifteen

This chapter is significantly short than the last, but I just wanted to create a little filler before they finally meet the Cullens. It's a little abrupt, I think, but the concept prevails more than anything. Enjoy!

* * *

"Alice?" he exclaimed in disbelief.

We stood across from each other in a large meadow, Jasper still holding my hand in his.

And then Luken was there in an instant, his granite arms encircling me in an embrace that I had not felt in more than a year. Hardly noticing Jasper's missing hand then, I wrapped my arms around my old friend in reply.

"Luken!" I squealed, overcome with indescribable joy. "Luken, my goodness! I can't believe it's really you!" I laughed.

We spun around and pushed each other playfully as if we were excited children, still in awe of the coincidence.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear. "Still searching?" At this his eyes moved curiously to Jasper.

I shook my head and confirmed what he already knew. "No, I found him. Jasper, love," I called, shamefully realizing that I had forgotten him in the sudden glee of the moment. "Jasper, this is Luken, my oldest friend. Luken, this is Jasper, my-" I stumbled, taken off guard by needing to name his place in my life.

"Her mate," he finished confidently, stepping up to shake Luken's hand.

I ducked my head, not expecting _that_ word. I suppose there really wasn't any other way to put it, but even after the powerful yet brief conversations we had had about our future, it was odd hearing it come out of his mouth so nonchalantly.

"It's a pleasure," Luken replied, firmly shaking Jasper's hand and politely ignoring the awkwardness of the moment. "Alice has told me so much about you. Well, as much as she knew at the time we were still together."

I bit my lip at his wording.

Jasper nodded and grinned widely, but I questioned whether it was genuine.

It was quiet then as the three of us stood there-me, my past, and my future.

"Sorry, this is so sudden," Luken apologized. "It must be a little strange for you, meeting me like this."

"Just a bit," Jasper answered with another grin. I knew he was being genuine then, but he still seemed guarded.

"Ah!" Luken exclaimed. "Where are my manners? Pauline," he called into the brush. "Pauline, darling, come here!"

The girl I had heard so much about but had never seen came up beside my old friend in an instant, a shy smile on her face.

"You found her!" I said, genuinely happy for him.

"I did," he replied. "Pauline, this is my dear friend Alice. Alice, this is Pauline, my mate." I envied how easily it rolled off his tongue, wishing I were comfortable saying so about Jasper.

"It's lovely to meet you," I said, extending my hand to shake hers. She took my hand in her soft grasp and shook it daintily.

"The pleasure is all mine," she replied. "I half thought he might be making you up; you're just as lovely as he's made you out to be, though."

I laughed. "Hardly."

Then there were four of us standing awkwardly.

"Well," Luken began again. "Where are you two headed to?"

"A clan nearby," Jasper answered, suddenly seeming a little more comfortable now that he could see for sure that Luken's affections were direct at some other girl. Though his prior discomfort had probably been fueled by a mild jealousy, I couldn't say that it really bothered me. After all, he'd taken my strong jealousy of Maria very well. And I had to admit that it made me feel good, his protectiveness.

"The vegetarians?" Luken asked. He wasn't patronizing me, but he had always found my desire to avoid murder a little strange. 'It's who we are,' he used to tell me.

"Yes," I confirmed with a little laugh. "Yes, the vegetarians."

"Very nice," he replied. "They're nearby?"

I nodded. "Very close, yes."

"Well, Pauline and I are planning on staying in Forks for a few days. Come into town sometime; we'd love to catch up over lunch."

I glared at him playfully. "Luken…"

He laughed, which told me that he didn't really mean it."I'm just joking. But really, let's catch up. Unfortunately, Pauline and I are heading out to feed right now. Tomorrow, maybe, though?"

I shrugged but nodded. "Sure." He could tell I wasn't sincere.

He smiled. "Good, it sounds like a date." He came in for another hug before they continued on their way. His arms came around me in the earnest way they always had, and his lips came to my ear, whispering so that only I could hear. "He's perfect for you, Alice, dear. I'm so happy for you."

"I'm happy for you, too," I whispered back. "She's divine."

It was quiet as we still held each other in our embrace. "I won't see you again after this, will I?" His voice was still too quiet for Jasper or Pauline to hear, but it was filled with such sadness.

"I don't think so," I answered honestly. "But seeing you happy was enough for me."

He pulled away and nodded with a smile. "It was enough for me, too."

"I'll see you tomorrow," I smiled, carry on with our pretend plans so that Jasper nor Pauline would suspect the sad resolve in our hearts.

"Okay," he winked. "Pauline, love, shall we?"

She wound her hand in his and smiled. "Of course." She turned to me. "It was really a pleasure to meet you, Alice. I can't wait to chat some more tomorrow."

"Neither can I." My lie was seamless. "Hunt safely."

"We will," they answered in unison, laughing afterward. And then they were gone.

We stood there for a while, Jasper and I. It was so quiet; too quiet. The meeting had been so abrupt, it seemed, yet I was marveling at ever little nuance, playing the whole conversation over and over and over. Just as soon as he had arrived, this dear friend of mine, he was gone again. It was relieving and terribly heart-wrenching all at once.

Suddenly then, Jasper trudged over to me and let me rest my head in the crook of his neck. I should have known he'd sense my feelings of finality and farewell.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

"It's better this way," I replied. "It was good to see him one last time; it's the closure we both needed, I think. Besides, we're both so much happier." And that was the truth.

"You might be, but it doesn't make saying 'goodbye' any easier. He was your whole life for fifty years, Alice."

"But it wasn't like that," I began.

"It doesn't matter _what_ it was like," he stopped me, the understanding in his voice so thick it was almost tangible. "Lovers or not, you were all the other one had."

I realized that he was right. "That's true."

He kissed the crown of my head. "Don't be too sad, though," he continued. "I'm right here."

Reminded of this fact, I wound my arms around his strong, steady frame and hugged him. "Forever?"

"Yes, m'am," he answered, a smile in his voice.

"Shouldn't you be terribly jealous and angry?" I asked.

"Who said I wasn't jealous?" he said, winking with a little smile. "It's harder to be angry, though. You can hate Maria so fully because she's just an indecent person who's really rather awful. But, this fellow… He's a good man, anyone can see that. And your friendship was so good and pure. How can I hate him for taking care of you all that time? He did me a very big favor. To resent him would be completely improper of me."

"You're unreal," I grinned, kissing his cheek. "Just so sweet and unreal."

"Nonsense," he said, playing with my raven locks.

After a while I pulled away. "What do you say we got meet our new family?"

The smile on his face was the fullest I'd seen it all day.

"I say lets do it."


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the ultimate cliffhanger. I'm terribly sorry, but I had to do it. Be on the look-out for Chapter Seventeen within the next few days; I don't want to leave you guys hanging for too long!

* * *

"Something doesn't feel right."

After Luken and Pauline's departure, it had taken us quite sometime to collect ourselves and continue the longest, shortest trek of our lives. We had both decided that walking the entire rest of the way was what was best for our patience. Even though we had waited so long to be this close to our impending future, we hardly thought waiting a little while longer would matter much; we were only ten miles away, anyway.

But now that Jasper had spoken so suddenly and seriously, he stopped us dead in our tracks, gazing at the horizon that now hid the sun from us. Only faint remnants of light played off of our skin as it sometimes found it's way through the canopy, and I watched his dimly shimmering face closely as he listened and felt.

"What is it?" I unintentionally whispered, caught up in the tension of the moment.

He shrugged and closed his eyes. "I don't know."

At the time, I hardly knew how foolish I'd sounded. However, wanting no further interruptions in addition to what we had endured thus far, my first instinct was to wave away any worry in his mind. "Jasper, it's nothing," I said, trying to console him.

"Please don't say that," he said flatly, pinching his lids shut even tighter.

His tone was the most curious thing about his request as he clenched his jaw and waited for my inevitable questioning.

"Why?" I finally asked; I could feel the ice of accusation in my voice growing by the second, though I had only muttered one syllable.

"Because that's what you said last time, and it clearly wasn't 'nothing.'" He opened his eyes then and stared into mine seriously, as if warning me. It took only a short moment longer for me to finally follow his tragic train of thought, all the way back to that fateful day: the day that he had murdered an innocent child.

"Oh," I muttered, dumbfounded. My astonishment, however, was quickly followed by the reflexes of my telltale defensiveness as the gears in my head offered up only one explanation: _He thinks it's my fault_.

Jasper was not far behind me now as he took a moment to taste the emotions rolling off of me.

"Now, Alice," he began, reaching out for me. "I didn't mean it like that."

I flinched away from him with sad eyes. "Yes you did."

Surprised by my accusation, a hurt of his own now took the place of his rebuke.

"No, Alice, I didn't. I'd never blame you for that. I just-"

"'Just' what? You _know_ how thoroughly I blame myself for her death!"

His hands were held out in front of him now, palms up in a plea for peace. "Darling, I know. Which is why _I don't _blame you."

"But a small part of you does, doesn't it? After all, I should've been keeping an eye on things, right? I should've been protecting you?"

"Alice, that was never your responsibility," he said matter-of-factly, trying his best to soothe me. But under his resolve I sensed an unrest, a facade; I somehow knew that there really was a part of him, however minuscule it might've been, that did hold me responsible.

I shook my head as I listened to him lie; though it was out of love, he was a liar nonetheless. "Admit it, Jasper," I said icily. "I should've been watching and you blame me because of that small, sad fact."

"I don't blame you!" he fired back, growing angry now. "So, please stop putting those words in a mouth that they do not belong in."

"Say it!" I spit furiously, then. "Say it!"

"Stop it, Alice," he warned me, his eyes hard and dark.

"You blame me, don't you?" I started again, shouting now.

"Alice," he said, a little less evenly but with the same warning

"_Don't you?_" I asked, over and over, still shouting.

It didn't take long before he gave in, bursting with fury and frustration.

"_Yes!_" he exclaimed, so forcefully that his empty veins strained against his forehead prominently. "Yes, I do."

I was huffing by this time, my lungs too tired from hurling accusations at my beloved. His final surrender did not surprise me, as I'd known the truth all along. But it certainly didn't hurt any less.

"Good," I muttered, pulling loose strands of hair from my eyes and making a 180 degree turn to trudge in the other direction.

"Alice," he called after me, less anger in his voice. "That wasn't fair."

"You're right, it wasn't," I agreed, shrugging apathetically. "But it was the truth, which is all that I was looking for in the first place."

"Let me explain, love," he pleaded. His voice was further off as I began to out-distance him. "I just meant that I think you should be a little more careful, that's all."

I was hardly listening to him at this point; the voice of self-loathing was much louder and much stronger than ever before. I'd always blamed myself for Jasper's mistake, because I really should have investigated his suspicion the moment he happened across it. But pretending that _he_ didn't blame me made the wound much more bearable. Now that I had confirmed my suspicions, memories of that day came flooding back; they gnawed and scratched away at my heart relentlessly, reminding me of just how worthless I really was.

No matter how far down I'd been drowning in self-pity in that moment, however, I was effortlessly pulled to the surfaces within a split second, gripped by a fear I never thought I'd be gripped by again.

"Trouble in paradise," we both heard her say, then.

_We had come so close_, I though instantaneously.

Terror flooded through me as her familiar voice echoed through my head and sent my mind into panic. I lurched for Jasper, hardly knowing what I was doing; I only knew I needed to be close to him again. He was there in a second, his arms folding around me in an iron grasp. And then I searched for her hastily, desperate to locate her face amongst the trees and underbrush.

_We had come so close._

Almost immediately my eyes were given their prize, finally resting on the small-framed girl with crossed arms. An entourage of equally menacing-looking immortals flanked her.

"Maria," I choked out, not trying to hide the surprise and terror in my voice.

_We had come so close._

The last thing I heard before I was dragged away was Jasper's snarls as he cried out for me in desperation.

_We had come so close. _


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Here it is! The follow-up to Chapter Sixteen's cliffhanger! A nice chunk of the story. We're getting pretty close to the end though, so check back in a week or so for the next (and possibly final) chapter. Read and review, please and thank you! Enjoy!

* * *

From the moment I had become a member of the living dead, a contradiction of nature, I had never once feared a second death. After all, what was I if not invincible? I could kill and pillage and plunder anything that I desired to, regardless of the threats of human kind.

But now, in the clutches of the most evil immortal I'd ever met, I felt more fear for my life than I ever had before. I certainly had no idea how she'd do it-kill me, that is. I'd never killed a vampire myself, but I knew it could be done. I also knew that it was, most likely, an extremely excruciating process on the victim's end of things.

As I sat in an extremely sturdy, oak chair, my head lolled back and forth, hazy from what I could only assume was Maria's hypnosis. Though no physical bondage held me to my spot (primarily because there wasn't anything that could), I could feel the force of Maria's will keeping me there, forbidding me from running far, far away.

The room around me was dimly lit, so damp and cold. There was a candle or two along the walls of the place, revealing the dilapidated state of the structure; crumbling walls, exposed electrical wiring, rust. I'd never felt more uncomfortable.

In the distance I could hear her speaking to someone, and it sent my nerves over the edge. Knowing that she had me so vulnerable, so close to her evil hands, was too much for me as I began to tremble with trepidation and anxiety.

In an effort to calm myself, however, I strained to listen to what she was saying, even though the content of this conversation might've been even worse for my nerves.

"Keep on the look out; he'll come after her, I know it."

For the first time since I'd met Jasper, I shamefully doubted Maria. Even if my beloved did come for me, there was simply no way we'd both make it out of here alive. And a small part of me prayed that he'd understand that, that he'd see the risk and decide against it. It was better to write me off as already dead than to risk his own existence just to have us both killed in the end.

Interrupting my panicky thoughts then, I heard her heels clicking down the hallway towards the room I was being held in, most likely flanked by a few members of her gang.

At last she appeared in the doorway, dressed the same as always with the same menacing look in her sharp, red eyes. She smiled at me as she strolled over to where I sat, eyeing ever part of me before meeting my gaze.

"Well, hello there, little one," she crooned, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

Though my movements were heavily restricted by Maria, I flinched away from her touch as best I could, letting out a gust of air in surprised.

"Oh, hush, little one," she said, feigning compassion. "I wouldn't lay a hand on your pretty little head; that's not my job, darling. I never get my hands dirty, you know."

I couldn't imagine why she'd think that this explanation would soothe me, primarily because it definitely still promised some physical endangerment, but I tried not to focus on that.

"Where am I?" I asked, finding my voice, though it was hoarse and clearly frightened.

"You really don't need to bother yourself with technicalities, little one. It's not as if knowing your location will save you now; you're already dead."

I realized quite immediately how much of a double meaning that sentence carried, but, again, I tried very hard not to focus on her threats; they'd only send me further down the rabbit hole of fear.

"Why are you doing this?" I began again, feeling even hazier than before as my eyelids drooped.

She shrugged her shoulders and began to pace around the room, exchanging glances with the other members of her entourage. "I suppose I'm not really doing this for your sake," she began. "I should have known that the quickest way to Jasper's vulnerability was through his current lover; he's had several, you know," she added matter-of-factly. "He can be so weak when it comes to women. Therefore, in order to get to him, I'm going through you, his precious, little Alice."

"Why?" I mumbled.

She came back towards me rather quickly, thrusting her face only inches from my own. I could smell the gin and cigarettes on her breath as she huffed her reply. "Because he took everything from me!" she growled. "He played me, and he waltzed off into the sunset thinking he wouldn't have to pay for it."

"I think," I started to reply, struggling to maintain my composure through the grogginess. "You just can't stand to see him happy."

At this she backhanded me with all the force she could, throwing me from the chair and onto the concrete floor. My head swam as I attempted to sit up and return to my chair, though I knew it was not my own will that directed me.

"You're perfectly right," she answered finally. "I _can't_ stand it."

By the time she'd finished her sentence, I was back in my spot, still lolling my head from side to side.

"Bartholomew," she called then, waving for one of her loyal followers to come to her side.

"Yes, miss?" the immortal in question replied, stepping out of the line-up and walking over to her.

"Go fetch our other prisoner. I think it's about time we had a little fun, don't you?"

He nodded and smiled menacingly. "Right away, miss." And then he was gone.

While we waited, Maria impatiently tapped her heals on the concrete and glared at me; the silence that passed between us was unbearable as my mind attempted to look into the future and expose what she had planned.

"Ah, ah," she said suddenly. "No peeking, little one. It's a surprise."

As if to illustrate my frustration, I huffed and hung my head, defeated.

Not a moment later, the stocky immortal returned with whom I presumed to be the other prisoner-a human.

My throat began to itch and burn at the scent of his blood, which was falling from a large gash he had above his left eyebrow. He wasn't unconscious, but he might as well have been; he could barely walk as they guided him into the chair across from me and bound him with heavy ropes. After he was properly secured, all four of the vampires that had flanked Maria upon her arrival exited the room.

"Alice, meet Mr. Covington. He's a doctor," she said suggestively, grinning at me. "It really is a shame to waste such talent, but we are what we are."

At these familiar words-words that Luken had breathed so many times-I feared so thoroughly for what it was she was planning. Why would they keep this man alive yet so close to death?

And then, as soon as I had asked myself the question, I knew the answer. If each and every immortal of Maria's entourage had resisted the temptation to kill this man, it meant that they were saving him for someone else.

_Me_.

"Please don't do this," I muttered quietly through the haze, realizing her plan.

Maria waltzed up right beside me and bent her head down so that she could look me in the eyes. "Little one, it's time that you learn you're no better than the rest of us. You and Jasper, you have this heightened sense of self-righteousness and it's so… _annoying_," she spit, finally finding the adjective she'd been searching for. "So, to help you see this, I've brought Dr. Covington here to spend a little time with us. And by the end of it all, he'll be dead and your thirst will be satisfied."

"You can't," I cried. "You can't do this to me. Please, don't."

She began laughing before I was finished. "I'm sorry," she smiled. "Your groveling is just so funny to watch. It's as if you really believe I'll give in and let this all go." She brought her lips to my ear very slowly then and finally growled, "Well, I won't!"

I whined in response as my head continued to sway from side to side; there was nothing else that could be said to her as I just sat there, completely at the mercy of this wretched, manipulative, resentful little girl.

With another laugh she walked over to the bound up man and produced an empty flask. Then, with great care, she widened the gash about his eye until the flow of blood was steady enough to fall into the silvery container in her little hands. He whimpered weakly and tried to mutter something, but nothing intelligible could be understood.

After an amount of blood that Maria saw fit had been emptied into the flask, she returned to her place beside me and held the blood beneath my nose.

I bit my lip and stifled a gasp as the intoxicating aroma filled my nostrils, danced in my lungs, and sent my adrenaline racing.

"The fact of the matter is," Maria began, wafting the scent around to further taunt me. "After a while, I won't really be forcing you to do anything. It's all instinct, Alice."

Now battling both Maria's hypnosis and the tempting aroma of blood, I struggled to produce words that would show her just how determined I was to abstain from bloodlust. "We can be better than this, Maria," I said weakly. "Don't you understand? We don't have to be monsters anymore; we're no longer slaves bound by blood."

"I know that, little one. I've been around for centuries, and there really isn't anything I haven't seen before. There've been idealists like you before, as there will be long after you're gone. But you know what never seems to change either?" she asked, as if I knew the answer. After I was silent long enough to demonstrate that I _did not_, in fact, have the answer, she smiled slowly and then drained the contents of the flask into her mouth.

"How good it tastes," she replied, wiping away a trail of blood from her chin.

The monster in me envied her, envied the scarlet and the lack of respect for human life. But the goodness in me was so sad; it was so sad because I knew that everything I'd ever worked for would now be lost to the hands of this unpredictable child.

Suddenly, I was on my feet and taking steps that I had not told myself to take.

Ever and always beside me, Maria whispered into my ear: "You _will_ drain every drop of blood from this man's body. Then, and only then, will you understand that you are no different from the worst of us. You are a killer, Alice; _never_ forget that."

Step after step, I could hear my feet shuffling across the concrete as I looked at the man whose life I was about to end. In the faint light of the candles my eyes caught sight of his wedding band, badly weathered and stain with his blood. I thought then of his children-of his wife and his family. Each would miss him so dearly, and it would all be in vain. He would not die courageously saving someone's life, nor would he die for a cause or a purpose. He would simply die in the arms of a ruthless, merciless murderer whose existence was entirely impossible.

I tried then, tried so hard to fight her hypnotism. My head had hardly become any less cloudy, and my eyes squinted and strained to see in the darkness. I dug my heals in as my feet continued to move, one after the other, and the sadness in my hear grew with each step as I slowly began to succumb to my inevitable fate. I wanted to believe in a miracle, some master plan that would change it all. But then I remembered that miracles didn't really exists, and there wasn't anything that would save this man's life now. He would die in my arms as I drew the life force from him, consuming every drop of hot scarlet, swallow after swallow. And the fear in his eyes wouldn't stop me, nor his screams as he writhed against me helplessly, all to no avail. I knew the story all too well, really.

I was a yard or so away from him as I continued forward. She intended to make this last as long as possible, it seemed; everything she did was so much more psychological than it was physical. I had to hand it to her, she was malicious but brilliant.

So close, I was now as I battled against the monster within me.

And then it happened.

I wasn't sure how he'd gotten past the countless hordes of vampires, and I wasn't sure how he'd found me in the first place. I wasn't sure how long it had taken him to arrive here, nor was I sure of what trials he'd overcome to finally end up here. All I _was_ sure of was that he was, in fact, standing before the pair of us, eyes so on fire you'd have thought there were actual flames within them.

He entered the room with such a magnificent growl and planted himself between me and the terrified, incapacitated man. And somehow, in that split second, he just knew; he knew exactly what was happening, and what would happen no matter what he tried to do to stop it. Nothing could be done to save the innocent man's life, now.

But I hardly knew that he could still save me.

His eyes met mine so briefly that no human would've ever been able to see it, but they carried so much within them that I understood what he wanted to say. There was an apology in them, though I hardly knew what for. But as another split second passed by and he was now leaning at the man's throat, I knew then what he'd been apologizing for.

He buried his granite teeth into their target effortlessly, doing what I was bound to do myself. A blood-curdling cry ripped through the air as I fell to the ground, dropped from aria's gripping hypnosis. In the chaos of the moment I could hear her screaming fiercely as her plan shattered into oblivion, though she was the furthest thing from my mind.

Jasper met my eyes as he finished off the poor man, and the sadness in his eyes was mixed with passion now; pure, total, unadulterated passion and love.

Those eyes said it all.

He would put me first, always. When I was in jeopardy, he would make me safe, whatever the cost. When I was hurt, he would fix me by whatever means necessary. When I was heartbroken, he would do anything to restore my happiness. And if it came down to the darkest of sins, he'd commit it so that I'd never have to.

Everything and nothing had changed, all at once.

The life was completely drained from the man as Jasper dropped him to the floor wordlessly. He was at my side in an instant, those comforting arms around me to protect me and never let me go.

Everything was a blur as he kissed my forehead and then brought me up off of the ground and up into his arms, cradling me against his chest.

Maria was still screeching and muttering obscenities, blissfully unaware that Jasper now looked on at her with more pity than I'd seen in a lifetime.

"Maria," he called angrily, trying his hardest to capture her attention.

She took a moment to compose herself, then glared at him with all the hatred in the world. "What?"

"Do you remember the last time we spoke?" he asked, and he'd seemed to calm down by this point.

"Yes," she spit.

"Then you know what must happen now, don't you?"

Confusion danced across her face as she shook her head. "No, I don't."

Setting me down on my feet once more, Jasper looked down at me with such seriousness and placed his hand on my cheek.

"Wait for me outside," he directed.

I felt my brow crinkle in confusion. "Jasper, what about-"

He put his finger over my lips to quiet me. "They've all gone. And I've taken care of what few did not flee."

"But-"

"Alice!" he barked authoritatively. His eyes gave the strongest warning I'd ever seen them give. "Go. Now."

A whole new part of Jasper was unfolding before my very eyes. This part of him was frightening and exciting all at once, but I knew that I was to obey him regardless of my own feelings.

I turned away from him and ran as quickly as I'd ever run before, blurring past a hand-full of infernos which I only presumed to be the burning carcasses of the "few" who did not flee.

_How had he done all of this one his own?_

Outside in the night air I collapsed on the ground and began to sob quiet, overcome by the emotion of everything. It had all happened much too fast for me to fully comprehend and digest it all, and now that I was finally free to think and feel, everything came rushing towards me in a chaotic whirlwind of emotion.

As I held myself together and waited for Jasper to return, I could barely make out Maria's screams as they echoed through the warehouse behind me. I cupped my hands over my ears, though I knew it would do no good against my canine-like hearing. So, I was forced to listen to her faint mewling; I didn't know what Jasper was doing, but I could only assume it was causing mortal danger to Maria.

"Are you alright, Alice?" I heard someone say.

Taken off guard I leapt to my feet defensively and looked around frantically for the giver of the voice.

How I'd missed seeing them in the first place was a mystery to me, but then again, my mind was fairly preoccupied with worries entirely different. Nonetheless, standing before me, as real as they'd been in my visions, were the Cullens.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

I was pretty anxious to get this one posted, mostly because I left off on such a cliffhanger. Therefore, I apologize for any pesky typos :P I appreciate how much you all value my ability to express these characters personalities, and it's really been a joy channeling them for as long as I've been able to. This is (tentatively) the last and final chapter of Backwards With Time, and I do hope you've enjoyed their journey as much as I have. If there is an overwhelming request for continuing the narrative, I'd be more than happy to draw out the story. But I place that in the hands of my readers to decide. If, however, this is the end, I thank you so much for reading. It was a pleasure being able to author this story, and an even greater pleasure knowing that there are several who adore it as much as I do.

Thank you all so very much!  
Bambi-doe

* * *

Completely dumbfounded, I stopped abruptly in mid-sob as I stared at the family I had been dreaming of for what seemed like centuries. All my hopes, all my fears—everything—had centered and danced around these immortals, and now they were as real as could be, speaking and thinking and caring.

The thought briefly occurred to me then that this must've been how Jasper had beaten Maria's gang; he _hadn't_ done it alone.

Esme was the one who'd asked me if I was alright, and Carlisle stood beside her protectively, perhaps a little unsure of me at this point. After all, I was a sobbing wreck. Their eyes, as golden as ever, carried so much concern and love but were peppered with cautiousness, as was to be expected.

Rosalie stood behind them, gazing at me with more curiosity than concern, but her attitude hardly seemed judgmental; she looked mildly enamored.

The remaining two members of the family, Edward and Emmet, were not present.

"It's you," I muttered unexpectedly. "You're really here."

Unlike the confusion I assumed would cross each of their faces, Esme stepped forward out of Carlisle's arms and offered her hand to me with understanding.

"Yes," she replied. "We're here now."

Slowly, as if still in a daze, I took her hand in my own and stepped forward into her comforting embrace.

"Are you alright, dear?" she asked again, patting my back gently.

As I wound my arms around this stranger, I began to sob softly once more, fighting the cacophony of feelings that battered my tired mind.

"I hardly know," I answered finally, burring my face into the fabric of her shirt.

"It's going to be alright, Alice," she remarked softly, continuing to pat my back and stroke my hair. "It's over now."

I pulled away then and nodded, moving my unmanaged, raven tresses out of my face and behind my ears.

"How?" was all I could mutter.

"We happened across Jasper in the woods," Carlisle answered, much less suspicious of me now. "It was a complete miracle, really. He told us that you were in danger, so we came just as soon as we could."

I nodded. "Did he tell you anything else?" I asked, my voice full of implication.

Carlisle nodded, understanding what I meant. "Yes. He told us everything."

I nodded once more, taking deep breaths in and out slowly and evenly. It was strange finally being here with them, across the metaphorical finish line. Jasper had already broken the news to them on his own, but being that I hadn't been there myself it all seemed a little unreal and unfinished.

As silence fell over the four of us once more, my ears tuned back in to the sound of Maria's cries. There was a complete and total disconnect between the man that I loved and the man that was making her suffer like this, and I began to understand more and more that this was a side of Jasper I'd never seen; this was the soldier within him. Esme and Carlisle looked at one another with loaded glances as we all listened to Maria's continuing screams, which pleaded for him to 'end it, already.'

No matter how very little she may have deserved it, however, Jasper must've delivered it upon request, because after three minutes or so her pleading turned to silence.

Before long I could hear footsteps coming up from behind, and I knew that he had returned to me. I turned around impossibly fast to face him and he looked at me with a complicated glance; it was all mixed together with relief, sadness, guilt, joy, and the like.

Instead of immediately reuniting, as we had the last time Maria had separated us, I remained exactly where I stood and eyed him cautiously.

"It's over," he whispered.

"It is?" I asked weakly.

He gave one quick nod.

It was silent as we stood there and watched each other from across the expanse of everything that stood between us. There was so much that needed to be sorted through, so much that needed to be said and confessed. But we were held back by the three strangers that watched our sad display, probably thinking it a bit rude to launch ourselves into a full-on emotional discussion in their presence.

He attempted to reach out for me then, but I took a fraction of a step in the opposite direction as smoothly as I could. He clenched his jaw and his eyes seemed to glaze over with complete sadness as he felt and realized the emotion that now gripped me: _fear_.

"I understand," he said then, but it didn't really seem like he did.

I bit my lip and finished taking a full step away from him, returning his sad glance with one of my own. With it I tried to say that I was sorry, but I wasn't sure if he really understood me.

"We really ought to be going," Carlisle said suddenly, trying his best not to interrupt our moment directly. "If anyone has fled and is intending to return, it's best we cover our tracks and leave before they arrive."

We each nodded and stepped towards them in a deliberate signal that we were in agreement, though neither one of us made a move towards one another.

"Right, then," Jasper smiled weakly. "We'll help you cover the tracks. Are there any inns nearby that you know of? We'll need a place to stay tonight."

I bit my lip again; being alone with one another meant _talking_ with one another, and I certainly wasn't ready to face Jasper just yet. The longer we stayed with the Cullens, the better.

"Nonsense," Esme said kindly, waving away Jasper's question. "You'll stay with us. After all, if it's your intention to join our family we'll need to be properly acquainted."

We both smiled at this, regardless of the misery that this night had brought the both of us; there was no denying that this moment was the happiest since my capture.

"I suppose that's true," I laughed. "If you insist."

"We do." Rosalie finally spoke up with a genuine smile and took a step towards us. "What do you say we head back to the house and introduce you to the rest of the family?"

"That sounds divine," Jasper replied. "Lead the way."

As we covered our scent and began the short journey to the Cullens' home, I could feel that wall rising between us again, the same wall that had been built and taken down back in Texas. It was, as it had been then, uncomfortable. But, no matter what, it always reminded me that, at the very least, our relationship was healthy; we were at least honest and willing to make mistakes in order to learn from one another.

When Rosalie and Esme began speaking nonchalantly about the game they had taken down, Jasper made a move towards me and spoke very softly.

"Can't I at least hold your hand, Alice? I feel so far from you." With these words he reached out for me, but it wasn't until now that I realized his hands were stained with blood. My stare stopped him before he touch me, and his eyes followed the path of my own until they rested on his red palms.

"Oh," was all he could say.

I immediately tried putting the whole exchange from my mind.

After a while we broke through the tree line and entered into a wide meadow, and at the other end was an enormous, beautiful, white plantation house.

"Is that it?" I asked.

Esme nodded. "Yes. Home, sweet home."

I studied the structure more and more as we closed in on it, admiring how bright and full of life it seemed to be, which was pleasant yet ironic considering who (or, rather, what) lived there.

"It's beautiful," I said finally.

"Thank you," Carlisle replied. "I drew up the plans myself. The boys and I built it together—a family project."

I realized with great pleasure that these people were more of a family than most individuals who shared blood were. They loved one another, looked after one another, and had literally built a home together; it was all I could have hoped for—more, even.

"Edward and Emmet are out hunting at the moment; they prefer the bigger game up in the mountains," Esme explained as we stepped over the threshold and into the foyer. "But let me show you to your room upstairs. You can get settled in there while we wait for them to return. I'm sure you two have a lot to discuss."

Oh, we did, indeed.

I looked up and around me at the foyer then, admiring the wide open space full of natural light and bright character. An antique chandelier hung above our heads, and on the walls hung paintings just as old, if not, older. This small receiving room already said so much about the people that lived here; I couldn't wait to see the rest of our new home.

Rather than give us the grand tour, however, Esme kept good on her word and led us up the wide staircase and down a long hallway until we reached the very last door.

"This is our guest room," Esme said softly as she opened the door. "Forgive me, we haven't tended to it in quite some time; we very rarely have guests. If remaining with us is truly your intent, we'll have to fix the place up."

I realized then that Esme was going to be one of the most gracious and humble family members in all of time. The room, quite simply, needed no fixing up at all. It was finely furnished, well kept, and absolutely divine in every way.

"Oh, Esme," I gasped, "You must be joking. This is beautiful!"

She smiled humbly. "Oh, nonsense. It'll have to do for now, though."

I smiled back over at her.

Suddenly she looked over at Jasper, who had been rather quiet through the entire explanation of things. Seemingly realizing his somber disposition, she took a step backwards out of the room.

"I'll let you two be for a while, then."

After she closed the door behind us there was nothing but silence left in her wake.

"Jasper?" I asked softly.

He ignored me as he took notice of the bathroom joined to our room at it's far end, trudging towards it with seeming desperation.

It wasn't until I saw him pick up the bar of soap that I realized why he had headed there at all.

_The blood on his hands_, I recalled.

I very slowly moseyed over to the doorway of the bathroom as I watched him scrub and scratch away at his weathered, granite hands in an attempt to wash away the dead man's blood, which only continually reminded him of his guilt.

"Jasper," I sighed, trying to get his attention. "Jasper."

It was no use as he continued to cleanse his hands, reminding me vaguely of Lady McBeth and the "damned spot" as he huffed in exasperation again and again.

My heart hurt as I watched his sad eyes remain glued on his stained hands, which longed more than anything for the soap to wash away both the blood and the bereavement of today.

After I could no longer bear to see him flounder in his misery and self pity, I grabbed his hands and held them to his chest to keep him from continuing to scrub, crooning comfort softly.

"Stop it, Jasper; it's alright, love."

He shook his head and tried to fight against me to return to the sink.

"Jasper, listen to me!" I exclaimed, hoping a harsher tone would snap him out of his trance. Luckily, his eyes found mine and he held still long enough for me to dry his hands with a nearby towel.

"I need you to calm down, love," I said slowly.

Though it took some effort, I finally ushered him back into the bedroom and sat him down on a sofa near the end of the bed; the small area, complete with a coffee table, seemed to serve as a reading lounge within the room itself.

He kept his eyes on the floor as I went to wet a washcloth and returned to clean whatever blood remained on his face and hands. His clothes were unfortunately ruined, but I didn't think that would present much of a problem now that he had three other men to borrow clothes from. Somewhere towards the middle of me cleaning him up, I realized that the majority of the blood probably wasn't the man's at all; if Maria had recently fed, slaying her may have yielded a similar result. Of course, I tried to ignore this as I continued my work.

Once I'd done the best I could to restore Jasper to a more sane looking individual, free of scarlet stains, I tossed the washcloth in the waste basket, quite certain Esme wouldn't miss just this one. By the time I'd returned to seat myself next to Jasper, his face was buried in his hands entirely, the desire to look at me seemingly gone. Shame became him in that moment.

Swallowing my fear, I realized, would be the only proper solution to this problem. I would have to be everything I'd promised myself I would be for him, regardless of how distant I felt from the strange warrior that hung his head beside me.

And so, with some timidity at first, I ran my hands over his shoulders and stroked his hair with hands as light as feathers. I heard his breath catch in his throat at my apparently unexpected touch, but after a few seconds he seemed to sink into the comfort of my gesture and relax just a little.

"You're frightened of me?" he asked suddenly.

I swallowed hard and bit my lip. "Only a little," I admitted.

"Why?" I could hear the emotion begin to build in his voice as sadness took him over.

I shrugged. "I think I'd forgotten how very much apart of you war has always been. And I suppose I never thought I'd live to see the day where you'd have to employ the same kind of ferocity that war demands. It scared me."

He sat up and looked over at me with a thousand apologies in his eyes. "I don't know what came over me," he whispered, ashamed. "She took you away from me, and I was so afraid she'd already killed you. And suddenly, in the moment, I never wanted to risk feeling that threatened by her again."

His words confirmed what I already knew: Maria was, in fact, dead.

I struggled to come up with the right words to say. I certainly was in no position to chastise him, because I was sure that I'd have done the same if Maria had taken him from me in the same way. But, how could I make his see that it was okay?

"War can make monsters out of us all, Jasper," I began cautiously. "Had I been born early enough to have seen the terrors you've seen, I'm sure that I'd act no differently. And, honestly, had she taken you away from me, I'd have killed her just the same. But you know what, love?" I asked.

He looked at me expectantly as he waited for my answer, probably expecting the reprimand to come right about now.

Knowing this, I took a deep breath before delivering the best piece of knowledge I possibly could.

"Love heals all things. And it's because of that fact that I think can fix you, Jasper."

With these words his brow let go of its burden almost immediately as he pressed his forehead to mine, raising his hands to hold either side of my face.

"You can," he confirmed, sighing.

"Does that make you feel any better?"

He shrugged. "I don't feel like you want to run away from me anymore, if that's what you mean by 'better.'"

"Good," I said with a short laugh.

Our foreheads were still joined a few moments later as Jasper began to speak once more.

"Alice," he whispered softly. "We still need to talk about what happened back in the woods—before Maria took you, I mean."

I pulled away then and nodded somberly, completely ready to surrender in whatever way necessary so that we'd never have to feel so far apart ever again.

"Now is best, don't you think?" I replied.

He only nodded.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled after some time. "It was terrible of me to put you in that position, practically forcing you to blame me. I just sensed that there was this part of you that really _had_ blamed me because I could've prevented everything if I just wouldn't have been so prideful."

He sighed, as he had several times by now, and wound his hands in my own before answering me. "I wasn't lying to you back in the forest. At the time of the accident, I did place some of the blame on you, and that's a small part of why I ran away to Texas; I didn't want to show just how cross I was in the moment. But I got over it, Alice, honestly. And there's not a speck of my soul that would ever blame you for what happened that day. I can promise you from the very deepest part of my heart, love."

"That's good to hear," I admitted, smiling and resting my head on his shoulder.

He rested his head on top of mine and put his arm around me, and it felt so good to be close to him again.

"I love you, Alice Cullen," he whispered to me.

My smile was immediate as I bit my lip and giggled. "I love you back, Jasper Cullen."

Granting ourselves official titles seemed a little premature, but it felt nice to have a surname again, and even nicer that I now shared one with Jasper.

It was odd, sitting here this way. It was such a different setting compared to our first meeting. There were no towering pines or encroaching brush. Just linen bed sheets and pillows and tapestries—candlesticks, carpeting, lamps and beautiful furnishings. It felt so odd and so beautiful.

I got up then and went to lay down on the bed, exhaling all the air my lungs had captured. It felt good.

Jasper remained on a couch, watching me I was sure.

"C'mon, I'm lonely," I whined.

He smiled playfully, joining my side in a second. His arms were around me and he held me close to his chest, kissing my forehead and taking in my scent. I giggled helpless, bringing my arms up around his neck and closing what distance was left. After he'd finished bombarding my face with kisses, he sighed happily and rested his head against the pillows.

"This is all so amazing," I breathed. "Look at this!"

As he always did, he laughed at my reaction and nodded in agreement.

"Yes, my Alice, it is quite a sight."

I smiled at him and continued with my ranting.

"They're lovelier than I could have ever hoped, Jasper. This is home."

He reached up to my face and brushed away some stray lock of hair that was out of place.

"Home," he breathed, closing his eyes then. "It's an odd sensation knowing that I now have one. I've gone without a home for longer than I can remember, love."

"Now, now," I said, stroking his cheek. "You were home the day I found you, and you'll never have to leave home again."

"Good," he breathed, giving me an eskimo kiss. I involuntarily giggled again.

Here, in our happiest moment, I suddenly recalled something that had happened upon our departure from Gaston and Lydia, the lovely woodland couple.

"Jasper?" I asked. "When we were saying goodbye to Gaston and Lydia, she said something to you, didn't she?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"What did she say?"

He looked away then, seemingly recalling the memory in his mind as if he'd somehow forgotten her words.

"She, uh…" he began, trailing off already; I could hear the sudden emotion in his voice, tears never filling the place they should—and would—have been had he not died year ago. "She gave me a little piece of advice, is all."

I gazed at him pensively, raising my hand to rest upon his cheek.

"It seems like it was some pretty serious advice," I replied, trying to lighten the dim mood that had settled on the both of us so quickly.

He laughed slightly and shook his head. "No, it wasn't all that serious. I mean, it wasn't grim or anything."

"Then what was it?" I pressed, attempting to call his eyes back to mine by taking his chin in my hands.

After several seconds he finally looked me in the eyes and proceeded to speak the sweetest words he'd ever breathed to me.

"She said, 'There are few things in this world that we're willing to fight for and, even then, most of the time we won't. But if you want to hold onto the really good stuff forever, you've got to do more than fight for it—you've got to die for it, too. Everyday.'

"I didn't know what she meant at first, but I promised her I'd do it anyway. And then," he stopped, trying his hardest to hold back a sob. "When I saw you standing there with that… _beast_"—he spit—"hovering beside you and controlling you, I finally understood it."

He put his hands on either side of my face gently then, looking me dead in the eyes.

"She meant I'd have to die to myself—I'd have to kill every selfish part of me—and I'd have to be willing to do it every moment of forever if I wanted to keep you.

"So, when I saw the fear in your face and had pieced together that she was forcing you to feed on that innocent man, I knew two things. First: that man hadn't a glimmer of hope for getting out of there alive; they'd have killed him regardless. But it was the second fact that made my decision for me, and that was that you'd never be the same after killing him; you wouldn't be my Alice anymore.

"And then I knew what I had to do to keep you."

If there had ever been a moment in which I'd been perfectly speechless, it was this moment now. And if there had ever been a moment in which I'd doubted that this man was whom I was meant to spend eternity with, those fears had certainly been absolved.

His hands were still on either side of my face as he seemed to wait for me to say something—anything. I opened my mouth to speak, silently praying that words would miraculously pour forth. But after some time it became evident that I'd really have to make an effort.

"Jasper," I finally whispered.

I thought of words then, as I always did when they were particularly difficult to find. I thought of anything and everything that had ever made me love this beautiful being that stood before me, and desired in that moment to say it all. But were there words sufficient enough? That was the question.

After realizing that he still stared into my eyes earnestly and intently, I decided that there was really only one thing that needed to be said.

"Jasper," I began again, returning his gesture and placing both hands on either side of his face. "I'm bound to living an eternity with you and never being able to repay the debt of love I owe to you; that's just a fact. But I promise you this: I'll never stop trying, as long as we both shall live."

At the clear resemblance between my comment and a popular wedding vow, he took my left hand in his and gazed at it, stroking the finger which should have worn a ring but did not.

"Yes," I said then.

"'Yes' to what?" he asked, badly hiding that he'd been caught.

I sighed. "Jasper, I love you dearly, but not even _you _could hide such a thing as marriage from me. I was bound to see it coming. Of course even if you weren't planning to ask me, I do declare, I would bend on one knee myself."

He smiled as if he should blush and then kissed my forehead.

"That wouldn't have been very traditional," he said then.

I shrugged and gave a smile. "There are very few things about us that are traditional, darling."

He nodded and became suddenly somber.

"You know I'm not ready to ask you, Alice, nor answer you." He looked down then as if he were ashamed by this; as if he knew it wasn't fair.

"Hey," I said, taking his face in my hands, bringing his eyes back to mine. "I know, love. There isn't any need to fret." It was my turn to kiss his forehead, and when I did, he exhaled as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"It isn't any sort of favor, darling. Our time will come, and we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

He nodded and rested his head against my chest.

"Jasper! Alice!" Esme called from downstairs. "They're here!"

He sighed once more then slid off the bed and took me with him.

"Let's go meet the rest of the family," he smiled.

"Let's," I agreed excitedly.

We walked down the stairs, hand in hand, resting our eyes on the two new vampires that stood amongst the ranks of the entire family. I had seen each face before this of course, but having them real and close to me was an elation only second to my meeting Jasper.

The closest to me was Rosalie, whom I'd already met, her golden locks falling perfectly from scalp to shoulder; the sunlight from the window played off of her equally beautiful skin.

She smiled with her finely shaped lips and gestured towards the broad-shouldered block of a man beside her, muscles present wherever a muscle could be. He had very short, deep brown hair which contrasted superbly with his skin, eyes as golden as the rest.

"This is Emmet," she said softly, "my mate."

He stepped forward confidently and shook both of our hands, grinning widely. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jasper and Alice. Welcome to the family!"

"Thank you," I smiled meekly. "You've all been so accepting."

Emmet laughed heartily. "Hey, if you're a veg-head, then that's all we need to know."

I caught on that 'veg-head' referred to our decision to abstain from human blood, and I gave a short laugh. "Yes, we're definitely veg-heads."

I turned back towards Rosalie so that she could introduce my next and final brother.

Realizing this, she waved him forward and spoke once more.

"This is Edward."

It was when my eyes fell on the last of this trio that the most peculiar thing happened: a vision came to me unexpectedly and I tensed in Jasper's arms.

_It was a time much unlike our own with many new things and places, all this I was sure of. Yet all I had really seen was a face. She was ordinary by many standards but beautiful nonetheless. She had eyes of chocolate and hair of the same, her skin so pale that I had to look at her eyes to be sure she wasn't immortal. She stared at me from across a large room which I now realized was filled with people of our physical age. She seemed puzzled and curious of me, but then ducked her head as the girl next to her breathed in a condescending tone, "Those are the Cullens."_

When it was over, I marveled at it for a few moments, wondering how this girl and Edward could ever have any correlation. Perhaps it was a mistake or mere coincidence that it was Edward's face which had triggered this revelation. But I doubted that since it seemed that wasn't how my visions worked most of the time.

"What did you see?" Jasper asked, concern in his tone.

I shook my head and exhaled, "Just a girl."

He was as puzzled as I was. "One of us? Is she coming here?"

I shook my head again. "No, she was just a human girl."

I looked at Edward now, appraising his reaction to what I had seen for I was certain he had dipped into my mind to view it.

"That's amazing," he said, marveling not at the girl but rather at the time I had seen. "You can see so far into time. That could be fifty years from now."

Only nodding, I worked to center myself and keep the vision close in my mind so as not to lose it anytime soon.

I did not know who this girl was, or what she had to do with Edward. But I felt it was prudent I keep her close in my mind because all I did know was she would somehow change everything.


End file.
